Life: Complexity And Adversity

1984 January - Gwen

Needless to say rehab was shit, terrible and boring. There is no need for me to think about that place. However I have one memory of the place that I hold dear to my heart and it was the game: "The floor is heroin needles." A game we played in rehab it was essentially the floor is lava but slightly different and we attempted to move away more.

This day seemed familiar. I wish I knew why.

Gathered in this building across from the Church of Latter-Day Saints was a group of people. I was one of the lot. I was here with Gwen, Johnny and Suzy (whom still hated one another) for one specific reason mutual hate. We had all gotten gifts for one another. It was kind of like secret Santa but we knew who the gifts were from and at the same time completely different.

I had gotten Johnny a T-shirt that read "I need God." Suzy would receive a scented candle from me and Gwen would claim a pair of vintage glasses from me. I know- I'm bad at gift-giving that's one reason decide not to participate usually but this was a special occasion you see exactly six years ago today we made each others acquaintances outside this very building. I can recall it perfectly from the colour of the sky to the makeup Gwen was wearing, she looked better without it in my opinion, I remember what I was wearing and the name of the dog Suzy had.

I remember the day as clear as the sky is today. I was walking down the street, the pathway was a blanket of snow and the road was brown slush, melted ice and snow. On the streets there were very few cars, the ones that were on the streets were parked up. I was off to the grocery store to buy milk, biscuits and whipped cream. Walking down the street I could see an accident had happened it wasn't serious, or at least it didn't look that serious anyway. I walked over to see a car that had skidded and had broken its oddly colour red wing mirror, the rest of the car was dark green, it had run into the no-broken but still frozen lamp post. Outside the vehicle stood Johnny, whom I knew from school along with his sister but I barely knew them back then. Well, that's a lie, with the exception of Gwen whom was my childhood sweetheart but enough 'bout that. She stood next to him trying not to slip, her bad sense of balance and worn down boots didn't help her much. Johnny examined the car and Suzy was approaching with her small Jack Russell puppy, his name was Charlie- he died a few months later when a car ran him over. She walked over with Charlie and I ha arrived by this point, we asked if everything was alright. I remember looking at Gwen and for a second those feelings from childhood returned, the nostalgia and the feeling of dopamine being released.

A first kiss we shared, both our first kisses were in that moment and we were shy. We stood in the school courtyard and we procrastinated, trying to delay the action scared we would mess it up but in the end we leant in and our lips connected my eye closed, my cheeks blushing, I had no idea what to do with my hand so I awkwardly stuck them to my sides like they were glued. I opened my eyes and me removed our mouths form the others and I looked at her cheeks of rose red, eyes full of love, a face more beautiful than a million sunsets and all the cute animals in the world. A cheeky yet nervous smile worth a million and one words. A bitten lip that she tugged on with a tooth as she made eyes at me. I remember stumbling over my words asking "W-Was it alight?" And then we turned to my right and her left to see our head teacher, which scared the living shit out of us, kissing wasn't allowed in the school- to be fair neither was hand holding. I wouldn't take back my first kiss like most people would, it wasn't bad and it in a way was just like in the movies: a connection of the lips that caused up happiness just for a short time. I also remember another problem that I suffered after we kissed but that's a story for another time. My first relationship was quite embarrassing looking back on it just ask a friend of mine and you can here all about it.

Back at the accident: I stared deeply, entranced, into the face of Gwen. I remember the pinkish-red, not quite salmon, lipstick she was wearing, the black eyeliner, the vintage style glasses she would wear that balanced on her long nose. Her hair was parted, the fringe she had was pushed to her left and this revealed her right earing, it had two piercings, her hair was slightly darker than the chestnut brown that it normally was. It ran to her collar bone, bellow her shoulders because she had her hair parted her huge forehead was revealed. She wasn't a stranger to multiple hairstyles, she would also push it back sometime revealing the lighter hair colours. I snapped out of it when she turned to me, I quickly turned away. She didn't have the yellow coat back then so she was wearing a 70's hippie looking denim jacket, she was still shivering in it though. I offered her my grey hoodie and she gladly accepted it placing it on.