Torn // Emilio Martinez

Chapter 41

Bella

Only three days since Emilio came over and I finally confessed to what I did. I tried to just push him away without having to tell him what happened, but that didn't work, and I let it slip. 
Now he was never going to forgive me, and Ivan probably wasn't either.

I tried to have fun with Alissa, but I was sad and she knew it. I didn't want to let it bring me down so despite the nights I usually spent crying or overthinking, I still went out with Alissa and did stuff that was really fun and did manage to get a few genuine smiles and laughs out during the day.
I was walking back home from my dance class, bringing home food for Alissa and I. As I stood on one side of the street, waiting for the right to go, I saw Emilio on the other side of the street. Oh god. What do I do? Do I ignore him? Do I say something?

The light went green and we both started walking. I brushed past him and mumbled "I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?" he asked, turning to me, his eyebrows raised.
"Everything," I said bluntly.
"I'm fine, do what you want," he said coldly.
"Are you really fine, Emilio? I'm not, you don't have to pretend," I said softly, still standing on the crosswalk. Luckily, there were no cars trying to go where we were standing.
"Oh no, I'm fine, you should try punching Ivan, that really helped me," he smiled.
"Emilio, you punched Ivan?!" I exclaimed.
"Oh, your boyfriend didn't tell you? Thought you guys were closer than that, should work on communication," he said. He sounded enthusiastic but his eyes were cold.
"He's not my boyfriend!" I retorted.
"Even if he was I wouldn't care, you can do what you want," he said.
"If you want to be mad at someone be mad at me, not Ivan," I said, trying to protect one of my best friends and try not to ruin their relationship.
"It doesn't matter anymore, Bella, I don't care," he stated harshly.
"Okay," I whispered, barely able to form words anymore. I walked passed him, continuing home as we went our separate ways.

Having him talk to me that way was like a stab to the chest, but I understood. He was mad, and I did a bad thing, and I didn't expect him to forgive me. I needed to let him be mad, even though I thought fighting with Ivan wasn't the proper solution.

I guess this was the end. We probably weren't going to talk about this or work through it. I hurt him too much this time.

Emilio

I wasn't expecting to pass Bella on the street that day. As big as LA is, obviously she had to be on the same street I happened to be on. I was so angry and hurt by her and Ivan, but seeing her face still made my heart melt, and I hated that I still felt that way towards her after what happened.

She had sex with my brother, I don't understand how she could do that.

I tried my best to act like I wasn't hurt, like nothing was bothering me. Acting cold and overly enthusiastic was my way of defending myself and rationalizing everything. I didn't know how to act with her, and I didn't want to crumble in her hands. Not this time.
My feelings were so conflicted, I was mad and wanted to scream at both of them, but I also just wished for everything to go back to how it was and for everything to be normal. I wanted to hate Bella, I wanted to hate her guts and never see her again; but the reality was that I loved her. I don't know why I still loved her, but part of me believed that I always will, no matter what she does. She was the first girl I loved, and brought me so much happiness. 
Maybe I'm to blame for everything. I was the one who broke up with her, I left her, so she found someone else to make her feel better. Ivan was there for her when I wasn't, and they weren't thinking of me.
Of all people, why Ivan? I felt betrayed but really just wanted to find a reason for all of this.

I got back to the house and went straight up to my room, not really wanting to talk to anyone. I haven't spoken to anyone about my fight with Ivan, or why I fought with him; but who knows what he's told others.
I got into my room and after being in there for only a few minutes, Chance walked in and sat next to me, not saying anything.
"What's up?" I asked, looking over at him to see what he was going to say to be.
"I just wanted to say I'm sorry," he said. "And that Ivan feels horrible."
"He should," I said bluntly, shrugging my shoulders.
"Agreed, but they were drunk and you guys were broken up," Chance said.
"Doesn't matter, he slept with the girl I loved, it's fucked up bro," I argued.
"I agree, I just hope you all can work through this so we can have everyone be friends again," he said, standing up and patting me on the shoulder and giving me a weak smile before walking out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

***

I finally came downstairs and saw pretty much everyone huddled together, talking in hushed tones.
"What's going on?" I asked, looking at all of them with a confused look.
"I told you she wasn't good for you, bro," Jake said to me. I looked over at Chance.
"Did you tell them?" I asked angrily. He nodded slowly, and I just let out a sigh, not ready to fight with him too right now.
"I knew she was like this. She's not good enough for you, especially if she's whoring around every chance she gets," he said nonchalantly.
"Shut the fuck up, Jake," I said, surprising myself that I said something like that to him. He always sort of intimidated me, but not right now.
"What?" he asked.
"You have no idea what you're talking about. Leave her alone and leave me alone," I said before turning back around to go back upstairs.

At least Ivan wasn't with them. Now I was worried about what they would say about him too.