𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥

9; comfort

It was like coming up for air. Lungs burning of pressure just clutching onto the last little bit they have. Bolting upwards, my room filled with the summer sunshine my head pounding as if someone was hitting me with a hammer repeatably. Yesterday was so good but an absolute disaster and I now I know the boys well Zach wont hang out again. How could something so simple as Jack's hand make me lose it, a panic attack. My heart screamed at the fact that it happened my my mind was buzzing with the fact it had been a while since the last. The sudden rush to my veins and the uncontrollable itch at my teary eyes. I whispered into my hands to myself at the sight of his face haunting my memories.

"Ab." I panted again as I placed my hands through my hair slightly tugging on my roots. Bees filled my ears but his voice calmly shattered through the glass like ripples of the tide.

"What ever happened its okay, please listen to me." he continued grabbing my face as tears slowly descended down my face. Why was I like this? I held my breathe and sniffled a little my own hand holding his hand to my face. It was calming. I hated this feeling of dread, embarrassment and the often emotion of feeling pathetic. I looked into his brown orbs nodding slightly as his thumb dried a tear near my eye.

"I'm sorry Zach I just-"

"No. Ab. Its okay I understand... how about I take you home?" I don't want to leave but there was no way I could skate and pretend I was okay. I was really not and I had no idea. He pulls his phone out clicking a message to Corbyn before gesturing to pull me off the floor. Why was he so caring? We hardly know each other and here he is already calming me and caring for my fragile state.

"Let's go, we can grab an ice cream on the way home?" I pull a half smile onto my face as he wraps his arm around my shoulder, the sudden embracing comforting me weirdly. I grew to his body the heat making me never wanting it to end as we walked the big house and to the massive car in the driveway.

I looked over at my sheets my clothes scattered all over the edge and floor. Picking up my phone hazily I looked at the time, 10:48 and 2 messages.

Mabel✨:
was hoping we could hang out? xx

Zach🤙🏼:
hope you are okay after the whole 'inccident' yesterday :)

I sigh at Zach's text. Incident. what a weird word, can mean bad can mean good. I don't know how to reply or whether to reply. I begin to type but the quick buzzing of a call goes off scaring the crap out of me, Mabel's contact name coming up.

"hey mabel-"

"hey let me in, I couldn't be bothered to wait for your reply."

"oh, um okay" I laugh my head still hurting my skull feeling as if it was cracking but swing my legs out of the bed reaching for a jumper to chuck over my singlet. Ma would have left already, only briefly had I seen her last night before I crashed she didn't even ask. Clicking the handle in screams Mabel.

"Hello!!!!!!" Embracing in a hug she looks at me for a minute.

"Shit. Abi. What's wrong?" I groan as I pull back in for another hug holding her tight. My hands hold her like she's a million dollars, her hair brushing my face. I had to let go but I hardly could but sighed with a weak smile. We grab some apples before creaking up the attic steps to my now bright room that was really quite messy with the bed in such a jumble. I could see the restlessness of my body displayed in the bed and the wonky things on my bedside table. Mabel walks straight over to the bed but usually she would sit on the edge of the bed but today she just got in the double and pulled the blankets over herself before patting for me to join her. I felt like freezing again, its just Mabel but I could hardly think or see straight. How would I even start the story where I met  boy well 5 of them and ended up breaking down for no reason? Still I slipped under the covers turning to face her bright brown eyes face, her fingers brushing my hair reminding me of Zach's hands touching my face. ugh why was I thinking of him? I breathed slowly my chest rising up and down.

"Okay I'll start from when we were at the mall..."

❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

I had spilt like milk, my story unfolding before my eyes, my words painting a picture into my mind and the unreadable expression left on Mabel's face scared me.

"A panic attack..?" she whispered quietly as if we were trying to keep a secret, I didn't speak I just nodded slowly.

"You haven't had one in like 2 years..." I nodded again even more slowly then before holding my breath, my lips puckering and wobbling as I tried to hold the tears back. She shifted uncomfortably next to me. We both remember the past, the thing I was running from, the thing she was studying.

"Mabel. I like the boys. I want to hang out but I don't want to have another break down.." my body had given up the tears running down my face like a waterfall as I stared across the room at my old photos and a flower pin clipped to a photo. Gripping my hands she looked into my eyes.

"I don't know what to do.. but follow your heart or gut. Not your mind."

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Hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Short chapter again but necessary, hopefully you are starting to enjoy my story a little!

Today I had to model (who would have thought!?!) for a school friend and it was hilarious I nearly fell off the freakin' catwalk! IMAGINE THAT!  a model falling on top of you just because they don't know where to put their feet!!!!!!!!!!!!! ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

AHAHAHA anyway please check out my instagram which I'm going to try and become more active on it. It is; whydontwe.ah, the ah meaning alluring heart so please follow!!!

Have a good day babbeesssssss xxxx

Alluring Heart xx