Depression And My Life

The Way I Truly See Myself

When I look in the mirror I see a slut.
I see a fat cow that doesn't deserve the meal that was prepared for her.
I see someone who has let themself go and doesn't put enough time into their appearance.
I see someone who doesn't know who they are.

A person that seems like a great person to be around and hang out with but a person that has made some bad decisions over the past month.
A person who used to look in a mirror and think that her reflection was beautiful.
A person that used to see the excess weight on her stomach and not care if she was overweight by a few pounds.

Now I see a girl who is obsessive over her weight, after she showers, eats, sleeps, uses the restroom.
She weighs herself because she isn't happy with what she sees like she used to be.

This girl used to want to take pictures and was proud of herself.
She used to feel smart and beautiful but that has all gone away.
She doesn't see that anymore because there isn't anyone that loves her enough to tell her she is smart or beautiful or talented.

She hates herself and she sees why everyone else does too.
She sees why no one stays and loves her.
She sees it all and it makes her hate herself more and more everytime she looks in the mirror.

She wants it to end.
Everyday she wants it to end.
The only thing that makes her want to stay are the few friends she has that might stay.
Those people are enough to keep her going.
Just as long as they don't leave.
Cuz once they are gone, I'm afraid she will be too.