Feel My Voice (Avi Kaplan Fanfiction)

3. Paranoid

CHAPTER 3

He was now baffled. "Wow! That's awesome!" He gave me thumbs up.

"I know," I smiled at him "I'm also deaf."

His jaw dropped a little and his face twisted. "Sorry, didn't mean to-"

"It's ok. So... Yeah. That's the reason I can still sing. What I enjoy is the vibration of my chest and throat. It somehow reminds me of the real sound." My illness was supposedly going to disappear, time after time. But it had been a year of treatment and I was not significantly better. I could listen to low pitches and high pitches, but like blurs. If blurs could be heard. So when I felt these vibrations that Avi's voice produced in my bones, I felt a relief in my very heart.

As we dined, I caught myself several times staring at him with a smile on my face. I stopped every time I realized I was doing it. But I could not stop looking at those eyes, that beard, stop remembering that beautiful voice. That bass voice that had made me like him so much. I never stalked him on twitter or anything, in fact there was this time that I really hated him for weeks, because I thought he was using his fame as lure to attract beautiful girls. I still don't really know if that is true or not. But at the end, I forgot all that because I recognized him as one of the nicest guys in the public world.

Finally, he decided to open his mouth, again. He waved so I could look at him and then he talked.

"So... your friend told me you graduated as Physicist, right?" He looked interested.

"You're right!" I was happy that he was making this effort to make me enjoy all this.
"I really loved acoustic physics. In fact, the accident happened while I was at the lab where I was helping one of my teachers..." I trailed off.
"It was somehow my fault, I guess..."

He seemed unable to say anything, his mouth was half open as if he wanted to say something, but couldn't make up the words.

I snorted, "Anyway, I'm... When did you first realized you were Bass and not Baritone?" I tried to change the subject as quickly and smoothly as I could. "I've always wanted to ask you this."

He looked up as if thinking through the answer, then he chuckled, "I dunno. I guess I always knew." He faked intellectualism and nodded.

I smirked at his sarcasm. "Really, Avriel?" I raised an eyebrow

Then we both laughed.

"So, how it is that you can read lips so fast and accurately? It seems almost impossible," he narrows his eyes suspiciously, "Are you sure you're deaf?"

I was confused. Then angry.

"What? I mean, are you serious?"

"Umm-" I interrupted him.

"Do you think I'm faking or something? Do you think this a joke?"

I felt my face burn and my eyes welling with tears.

"Jesus, Odalysse. I'm really, tremendously sorry! I never meant to, I mean... You know, I was just, joking. I am very sorry."

I exhaled hard, then inhaled harder.

I grabbed a clean napkin and folded it neatly and placed it near my tear ducts to make it absorb the saline fluid.

"No, I am sorry. I shouldn't have reacted that way. It's just that." I stopped to support my head in my hand. "You are not the first one who asks that, but unfortunately ninety-nine percent of the people who ask that are not joking. They usually think I'm a liar, and they just end up being hurtful."

"I apologize, Odalysse."

"Don't even." I smiled as I closed my eyes to breathe again.

"It was funny," I looked at him again. "I can do it because I am really obsessive with everything I like or need to learn, physics are an example of it. So I learned to do it by tutorials and books."