Seasons

Chapter 9

“Thank you for the meal, it was delicious.” I spoke while wiping off the gravy that stuck around my lips. The food was amazing. He took me to a small southern style restaurant, it was pretty but, it was full of a bunch of old people. Some were as couples and that was really sweet. I don’t know why but when elderly couples go out on dates and smile, laugh, and have fun, sparks happiness in me. They still have life in them and they spend it eating food with the ones they love the most. Beautiful.

Jinyoung took a drink of his tea and smiled. “No need to thank me, I wanted to do this.”

“I will pay for it though, to repay you for saving me from my father and introducing me to such an amazing restaurant.” As soon as I went to reach for my wallet I felt a hand stop me. My head shot up Jinyoung and immediately I shook my head. “It’s the least I can do.”

“This is my treat, honestly, put away your money, save it for something you really want later.” His smile made me cave in. I tucked away the money back inside my pocket and smiled at him. “Why are you smiling like that?” He smirked at me.

I felt my cheeks heat up and I looked away quickly. “Thank you.” My voice was shaking out of nervousness. Why was I smiling? There was no need for that awkward seven-second stare I gave him. God, he probably thinks I’m sort of weirdo. I bet he thinks I’m a real loser now, I shouldn’t stare at him, I have no right.

If I was staring at a boy like that in school Jennie would have already slapped me in the face. She probably would have said something that if someone as ugly as me was staring at a boy like that for too long they would go ugly too. Or maybe how I am not allowed to look at anyone because I am trash and trash can only look at the floor or more trash. She isn’t wrong, I honestly am not pretty enough to even be seen in public with this boy. Jinyoung is very handsome, nice, and perfect in practically every way possible. While me on the other hand, I am nothing compared to a girl like Jennie, to any girl at that, I am nothing even compared to Jinyoung.

Think about it. Jinyoung knows he can get a supermodel if he really wanted to. If he wanted to find the prettiest girl in the world he could, and make her his wife. I need to stop, wake up, and realize that Jinyoung is going to have a happily ever after and I am not going to be a part of that. When realization sunk into my gut I felt like I could throw up. All these negative emotions building up inside of me and I can’t distract myself with a single positive one.

My hands became sweaty, my heart beat increased, my face filled with a raging fire, my bones were weak and I felt like running away. I shouldn’t be here right now, this is bad for his image. I will ruin his life, it will be my fault. Jinyoung will push me away and Jennie will come after me again. I’ll die, I’ll drop out, I’ll run away, just to make sure I don’t do any physical, mental, or emotional damage to Jinyoung. Friends protect friends, right? Just as a friend.

“Excuse me.” The voice snapped me out of my rambling. “Are you both finished here?” The waitress had a smile on her face asking us a simple question. I Nodded along with Jinyoung. He paid for our meal and we both got up and made our way to the door.

Jinyoung held the door open for me and an elderly couple stopped and smiled. “Ah, young love, so full of energy and compassion.”

My eyes widened. “Actually we aren-”

“What can I say, I used to be a dead empty cell who could care less about being able to fill an empty hand with one of my bride, who would constantly bring himself down because no one believed in me, until, I seen her. Something in me just ignited! She was more beautiful than the first flowers bloom in spring, she gave me life just by giving me a single glance.” His words rolled off his tongue and slipped into my skin, slithering into my heart.

I was completely frozen, I couldn’t tell if he was playing along or if he actually meant that. The old woman smiled. “Keep a grip on her if she fills you with a feeling more powerful than God himself.” Jinyoung nodded and finally we both headed out of the door.

We were walking back towards his house and I have been thinking about what he said back there the entire time. It was silent, yet peaceful walk back. It wasn’t awkward, it was nice and it gave me a minute to process what happened. What if he did mean it? What if I am just too blind? Quickly I shook that thought out of my head, stop it. Don’t fall for him, don’t listen to that voice, that voice is wrong.

“Is something wrong?” Jinyoung asked as we turned on the street to his house. “Why did you shake your head?”

Crap. I kept my head down, I couldn’t look at him. “It’s nothing, I thought there was a bug by my face.” I lied.

He nodded and we walked up to his house and walked in together. The boys were still there watching TV, what time even is it? I pulled out my phone and checked the time. 8:48pm. Why are they still here? Do they live here too? And where even are Jinyoungs parents?

“Alright boys, it’s time to go.” Jinyoung spoke towards them, they groaned and got a little upset. It’s probably my cue to leave as well. As I made my way towards the door Jinyoung spoke up. “Not you, just them.” Again there were ‘ooooos’. Today has been a very confusing day, what is he up to now?

Slowly I sat down and sank into the couch. I should probably go home soon anyway, my dad will be even more upset if I am out too late. I already had to deal with one of his psychotic rampages today, I don’t really think I need to deal with another one. I just pray Jinyoung will let me leave soon and I hope things don’t get too awkward between us, I want to keep this friendship. As the boys waved goodbye and gave bro hugs to me and smiled as they left I felt a little warmer. Maybe they are my friends too, I don’t think any of them have been rude or made any rude comments to me at all the entire time, that made me smile.

Once the last boy was out the door I watched Jinyoung sit in the chair across from me, I needed to start heading home, it was getting dark out. I cleared my throat and began to speak. “I need to start heading home, it’s getting dark and I don’t want to be in trouble.”

“Why do you want to go home to that? I know that going home no matter what is a dangerous idea for you right now.” Jinyoung paused. “He went down in three punches and was out because he was too intoxicated, after that there is no telling what anger he has built up and what will be released onto you when you return.” His voice was so calm and I understood what he said but I can’t stay here forever, I have to go back eventually. “Just stay here for the night, I’ll take you back tomorrow.”

Stay the night? Here? At his house? But, he is a boy, that isn’t right. I quickly shook my head. “J-Jinyoung, I can’t stay the night here tonight, that isn’t right.” I was completely shocked that he just casually said that. Did he even think about it for a minute? Just the slightest bit of concern and rumors would spread faster than a cheetah! I don’t want to be caught up in some kind of scandal with him. I can see it now, all over social media, everyone knowing false assumptions at school. ‘Ugly Girl Hooks Up with New Boy, Stays the Night, are They Dating?’ No one wants that on their record, that could ruin Jinyoungs popularity. “I could ruin your reputation if someone just saw me walking by your house!”

He rolled his eyes and he growled under his breath before standing up and looking down to me. “Stop it.” His voice was stern and demanding. “Stop telling me that you’re going to ruin my reputation, stop telling me that you're ugly, stop saying these negative things about yourself.” I could hear the anger boiling in his throat as he tried to hold it in. Before he could get any more upset he took a deep breath in before exhaling and looking back at me. “Come on, I need to talk to you.” he reached out his hand which I cautiously took and followed him to the door and headed outside.