Seasons

chapter 12

Jinyoung bought the cotton candy and we walked around for a little bit just talking about whatever. “What’s your favorite color?” Jinyoung asked me.

I stuffed some pink cotton candy in my mouth and smiled. “Pink.” The sugar melted in my mouth as I giggled out. The moon was out and beautiful lanterns lit up the path we walked down. Festive lights sprinkled in the sky like artificial stars, it was a beautiful scene, walking next to Jinyoung only made it a better experience.

“Suits you, plus it looks beautiful on you.” Jinyoung gave me a warm smile. I felt the pink tint rush onto across my cheeks and turn away. Good thing it was dark because I’m sure it would have been noticeable. “Look the Ferris wheel is open still, wanna go on a ride?” He nudged my shoulder.

That doesn’t sound too bad right now. “I would love that.” I responded still looking away from him.

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me to the entrance of the ride. The person checked us and we loaded into a seat. After a couple more minutes we started moving. The bar was over our laps and I had nowhere to put my hands so I just rested them there. I am not a fan of heights, I probably will have a heart attack if I look down while we are in the air. But, Jinyoung wanted to, he seemed excited, so I agreed.

I watched the ground and lights get smaller as we made our way up. It started to look like a small city, like watching the city fade across the horizon, it was a site to see, I’m glad a decided to join him here. As we were reaching the top I felt a hand brush against my own which made me swallow my breath. I turned my head to see Jinyoung looking at me, smiling. Not a normal smile, it was welcoming, warm, I didn’t want to look away. His smile made me smile too.

Honestly, I’ve never smiled so much in my life like I have been with Jinyoung for this short period of time. I didn’t really understand the feelings of happiness or trust until I met him. He makes something in me spark, something, burn. Not out of hatred or pain but something much stronger, something almost heaven like. When I’m with Jinyoung I feel at ease, at peace, I feel free. Just as I was thinking about it I felt his hand gently hold onto mine. I carefully held it back. I was cautious, but he didn’t move, he didn’t pull away.

My stomach turned, it urged for something more, something more physical, like a kiss. The ride came to a stop and so did my thoughts. I quickly snatched my hand away from him and shook the thought out of my head. What am I thinking? I can’t kiss him! I can’t even think about doing that kind of thing. All he wants is to be friends, like a big brother. Why would I take things too out of proportion? I am just overreacting again, I should just calm down and head home, my dad is probably going to kill me anyone if I don’t start heading out.

The bar lifted up over us and I got up before he did. I gathered up my belongings and started walking. Jinyoung trotted up to me. “Hey, April! What’s wrong? Why are you in such a hurry?”

“I uh- I have to get home before- before my dad gets any more upset with me.” I was telling the truth but only halfway. The real reason I wanted to leave so urgently was that I didn’t want Jinyoung to get the wrong idea about us, about me. I didn’t want him to think I was hitting on him or flirting just because he held my hand, that would be pathetic right? At least I know it would be awkward and weird. He is my friend, that’s all he was to me. If he is my friend, why do I want to kiss him? Why didn’t I want him to let go of my hand? I mean I snatched it away but somehow I felt guilty, did I do something wrong? Is this my fault? Ugh, I don’t know I just need to get home and sort it out in my head.

I really didn’t want to leave. If Jinyoung would kidnap me I would be completely okay with it but that is out of the friend zone. “Oh.” His voice saddened. “Okay, I’ll walk you home then?”

“Yeah, that would be okay, I just want to hurry so I’m not in any more trouble than I know I am.” I started thinking about it more. My hands got sweaty, my throat grew a lump and I felt like crying.

Our walk to my house was painfully quiet. The aura around us was dense and thick, full of awkward vibes. I wasn’t trying to make it awkward I just don’t want to cross the wrong line and lose my only friend I have. I couldn’t get it out of my head until we got to my house. Jinyoung grabbed my arm and pulled me closer to him. “April.” He looked down at me and I looked up. “Did I do something?” Oh no, now he thinks this is his fault.

“No!” I sighed. “You didn’t do a thing wrong, I’m just worried.” My lies were getting stuck in my throat.

“About what?” He asked openly ready for anything I was about to throw at him. There seemed to be something on his mind.

I took in a deep breath and exhaled. “It’s nothing, really, I’m just tired is all.” I let out a fake smile through my teeth, which I knew he noticed but he let go anyway and smiled.

Even though he knew something was up he wasn’t going to pressure me anymore. “Tell me when you’re ready. Good night April, sweet dreams.” He leaned in and brought me into his embrace. Somehow I felt guilty but I also felt warm and protected. I didn’t want him to let go. But when he did I felt like running inside.

“Good night Jinyoung.” I waved goodbye and walked into my house. My dad was passed out on the couch and I quietly snuck by him and made it to my room. I quietly shut the door and threw myself on my bed. I am exhausted, I am confused, I just need to sleep and think.