Family in Counting (BatBrats AU)

9: Jason Todd's Secret

After Dad died, you could tell nothing was the same anymore. Mostly, you could see it in Dick. He wasn't Dick anymore. He wasn't a lively bubble of sunshine, instead he was a deflated balloon stuck in the raters of a warehouse: he still looked high but he was deflated and withering. So many bad things were happening at once. First Bruce ... then Mack Derry.

9 P.M., Wayne Manor just following dinner (a square table meal Alfred prepared and made sure all Wayne children attended daily). Dick had retreated to his bedroom to finish those papers Alex needed tomorrow. Cassie and Damien had fallen asleep on the couch in the den watch Frozen. Tim was with them--however still awake--and channel surfing the late night shows. Stephanie was doing "triples" in the hallway, counting her steps on the artisan rug and bouncing between Tim's room at the end of the hall and Cass's room at the other. I sat in my bed with my sheets gathered around my lower half, shaking and naked. I was trying to place my hands on the purple bruises along my ribcage. Mack Derry and Shawn Preston's Nikes were embellished everywhere. The ghost of Mack Derry's lips bit harder than any bruised rib ever would. And his voice. Mack Derry's course, sweet cadence:

"Fag, fag, fag, fag, fag, fag, fag, fag, fag, fag, fag, fag, fag, fag, fag, fag, fag, fag, fag, fag."

Why? I stayed in my world, in my small pocket of Gotham Academy, and I didn't bother anyone. Sure I beat the shit out of the occasional kid who shit-talked my family, but beyond that I never stepped on anyone's toes. And Mack Derry. Mack Derry, I thought I was in love. I kissed Mack Derry, I had him for lunch to meet Alfred. Mack Derry said these words while kissing me in my bed:

"I think I love you, Jay."

I laughed at him but my heart swelled so much that I could hardly breathe. Now I had that same feeling again, and it was still because of Mack Derry, but now there were salty tears on my cheeks too. I hadn't know there was a noise coming from my mouth. Not until Steph knocked (tap, tap, tap).

"Jay, Jay, Jaybird," she said. "Are are are you okay?"

"I-I c-can't b-breathe," I sobbed. Suddenly the noise is reaching my ears and I really can't breathe. "Ste-eph I-I c-can't b-breathe!"

"Dick!" Stephanie screamed. She leaned out into the hallway. "DICK! ALFRED! SOMEONE!!"

"Steph, why the hell are you screaming?" Dick said, throwing his door open.

"Dick, something's wrong with Jason. He-he--look!"

He followed Steph into my bedroom. I was holding my stomach and my face was frozen in the ugliest cry I'd ever heard. Dick's hands let out to lay flat on his pant leg. His shoulders dropped with the relaxation of his hand and he rushed my bed, gathering me up to his chest.

"Jay?" he whispered.

"I c-can't bre-eathe, Dick! H-he c-called me-e a fa-ag. I-I--" I stopped and broke into another fit of sobs.

"Who? What happened, Jay?' Dick asked. Steph rocked on her heels and watched the way my chest's rising became shallower and more labored.

"M-Mack."

Dick's breath caught in his throat. Subconsciously, I ran my hands over my wrists, rolling my skin between my fingers.

"Who the fuck is Mack? Why the fuck is he putting his hands on you?! Why is he calling you a fag?!"

"Dick," Steph said, quietly. She leaned into his ear and whispered something. He looked back to me and quirked an eyebrow. I just nodded my head, knowing what she had told him. Some coming out.

"I love ... I loved him Dick. He ... he ..." I can't collect my words and instead break out into another sobbing fit. Dick and Steph exchanged looks of worry.

"J-Jay?"

Tim's voice. He stood in the doorway with his eyes stuck on me in bed. Cassie came in behind him, lips sealed and Damien still asleep on her shoulder. They come forward in a clump, Cassie the guiding factor. For the first time in weeks the six of us were together, present and aware of each other. Cassandra held Damien in her lap and my hand. Stephanie stopped doing "triples" to notice Damien moving, as long as Tim's torso now. Tim let his fingers touch past Dick and into my chest. He slid his arms around me and landed us both on my bed. The rest of the Waynes followed and held each other close.

Us boys and our sisters, the girls and us brothers. Us and our little family--as broken as it had become--laid together with clasps connecting them at me (my ankles, my waist, my hands). Dick brought me sweatpants and a tee-shirt to slide into, mostly so I would stop fitting my hands back into my bruises until I cried again.

"I'm gonna kick his ass for ya, Jay," Tim said, voice low and too ridiculous to be threatening. I cracked a smile and laughed.

"Thanks kiddo," I said, chuckles taking over my sobs.

"Yeah me n' Timmy'll kick 'is ass for ya," Cass agreed, softly. Damien sighed loudly and rolled over into Cassie's chest, dead asleep. "Damien's in too."

"No one is kicking anyone's ass," Dick declared. "Tomorrow the six of us are gonna have a very long talk with Mack Derry's parents and this is never gonna happen again.

Steph and Tim nodded. Cass sighed but nodded as well. And then, as it were, that was the end of that.