Dan's eyelids had never felt heavier.
Yet, he managed to open his eyes to see blinding lights and his family sitting in the chairs next to his bed, his brother dozing off and his mother watching him alertly, looking for any sign of life.
"Dan!" She said. She was so loud. Dan knew she was just happy he was alive but, god, did it have to be so loud?
Dan wondered if this was what it was like to be hungover.
The doctors in the room looked up from the clipboard they were all circled around and immediately began to talk about thins Dan didn't understand and tap away on varying screens.
Dan's mother held his hands as she cried more and said, "Dan, honey, I thought you weren't going to make it," she sobbed, her voice thick with tears.
"I'm not going to," Dan said, surprising both his mother and himself. "I can feel it. I'm going to die, Mum."
Dan's mum cried harder at that and Adrian, who was trying so hard to be strong for their mother, began to choke up and told him not to think that way, his voice cracking.
Oh, poor Adrian.
He was being so strong. Much stronger than Dan would have been if the roles had been reversed. He was being forced to grow up much too fast.
"Please, don't ever change, Adrian," Dan said. But who was he kidding? He knew Adrian wouldn't stay the same after Dan was gone. He would be as different as a person could ever become.
But Dan didn't want that.
"I don't know if I can promise that, Dan," Adrian said and inched closer.
"No," Dan said weakly, shaking his head against the pillow. "You have to promise me. Try to stay strong for Mum."
Adrian nodded, tears falling down his cheeks. "I promise I'll try."
Satisfied with that answer, Dan whispered, mostly to himself, "I'm going to die."
Dan's mother looked up. "No, no, no. You're going to be fine. You're going to make it! Everything will be okay! We'll be a whole family again!"
Dan shook his head. "I know for a fact this is my last day. I'm weaker than ever before and I can feel how things are failing and I can feel myself leaving, no matter how much I want to stay."
In the silence before his mother started crying again, the steady beeping of the heart rate monitor seemed to be the loudest sound in the whole world. Almost deafening.
"It's not true. It's not true." Mrs. Howell was muttering to herself repeatedly, practically willing it to be true.
But it wasn't.
"Excuse me?" One of the doctors stepped into the conversation. "Can we please talk to the family outside?"
Adrian and Mrs. Howell followed the group of doctors out a door leading to who knows where, giving Dan one last long look before disappearing behind the frame.
The doctor spoke quietly but not quietly. But not quietly enough that Dan couldn't hear what he said. "It is almost certain that Daniel will pass today."
Dan breathed deeply, trying to control his emotions. He didn't want his family to see him crying, especially Adrian, or for his last day to be spent putting himself. There was only one thing he wanted on his last day.
One person.
Two of the doctors stayed out of the room with Dan's mother and brother while they cried and the other four came back in to make sure everything was okay for now.
"I'm, excuse me," Dan croaked, grabbing the attention of the doctors. "My friend, Phil, can I see him?"
"Sorry, Daniel," One doctor, next to the grey heart rate monitor said sympathetically, "but no one other than family is allowed in."
The monitor was so grey. It was too grey.
Everything was too grey.
It was all too grey.
"Please," Dan begged. "You know I'm going to die today, and he's the only person I want to see before I go."
The doctors glanced at one another until one finally nodded and said, "I'll bring him in."
"Thank you," Dan sighed as she left the room.
Less than five minutes later, the door burst open and Phil stood in front of Dan, tears welling up in both of their eyes.
Phil pulled up a chair to the left of Dan and held his hand, squeezing gently.
Dan put as much effort as he could into squeezing back. Just one light, incredibly weak squeeze.
Tears began to roll down Phil's face as he realized that this was the very end.
"Phil, please don't cry." Dan raised one arm slowly to brush away Phil's tears and cup his hand on his cheek.
"I won't be able to do it without you, Dan," Phil whispered as Dan pulled his hand away.
"Do what?" Dan asked.
"Everything, anything." Phil gestures to nothing as he spoke.
Dan smiled sadly. "You'll move on."
"No," Phil shook his head, his hair bouncing around. "No, I will never move on and I will never love someone as much as I love you."
"No, Phil, you don't understand." Dan stated deep and hard at the older boy. "I don't want you to stop loving me. Ever. I won't ever stop loving you. But you can't dwell on me. You need to move on."
"No. You're the one who doesn't understand. I will always think of you. In every action, in every movement, in everything I do, I will always be thinking of you." More tears streamed out of Phil's eyes, and Dan's began to fill up as well. He wiped his and Phil's tears away. His last moments with the boy he loved would not be sad ones spent weeping.
"Phil, come closer," Dan urged gently as he patted the small hospital bed.
Phil sat next to Dan and looked down at him.
"No, Phil," Dan wanted to say Phil's name as many times as possible to have it imprinted in his mind forever. "Phil lay next to me."
"Oh," Phil said with a small chuckle as he shifted as softly as possible.
When Phil was finally beside him, Dan breathed deeply, inhaling Phil's scent. Vanilla.
"Dan," Phil whispered, snapping Dan out of his thoughts. "I don't want you to go."
Dan turned himself on his side so he was facing Phil.
"I don't want to leave you, Phil."
The steady beeping of the heart rate monitor quickened rapidly and got louder. The doctors rushed around but all of the noise was nonexistent as Dan stared into Phil's electrical eyes.
"I love you, Dan. I love you so much," Phil said quietly, just loud enough for Dan to hear.
"I love you, more than you can imagine, Phil," Dan said as he pressed one last kiss to Phil's lips.
The last thing Dan saw was Phil's blue eyes, filled with all the memories of the time he was in love with the boy with the beautiful eyes.
In that moment, Dan knew, even in death, he would never forget and never cease to be loved by the boy with the black hair and blue eyes.
Word count: 1195
Awwwww, this is so sad. I think. Idrk. My goal was to make you sad so let me know if I succeeded. This was the last official chapter but the epilogue will be coming next.
