In Living Colors

Chapter 25

"Mom! why can't you tell me! Are you leaving dad or not?" I followed her into the kitchen, carrying some dirty dishes, "if you're lying again about leaving-"

She slammed down one of the plates she was washing in the sink making the dishwater fly everywhere. She gripped the edge of the sink with her head down, "Lucy..." I remember her voice being so soft but filled with grief, "this is hard for me too okay. It's not as simple as that."

"But it is. He's a deadbeat father, a terrible husband, and an abuser. He hurt me, mom. Isn't that enough?" I could feel my frustration building inside making me want to explode.

"If I leave your father, we have nothing Lucy!" She yelled, "you think my shitty job at the bar is paying for the bills around this place?"

"We can leave. Start over. I can get a job, even two-"

"No way. You're focusing on school and that's it. End of discussion."

"But mom-"

"End of discussion Lucy!" She threw her the soaked rubber gloves on the edge of the sink, heading upstairs.

I scoffed, "you're never going to leave him are you?" She continues walking upstairs ignoring me again, "stop walking away from me!" I screamed.

Over and over and over again, it's the same damn story. I followed her stomping up the stairs, loud enough for the neighbors to hear. I opened her bedroom door to see her changing her clothes and taking off her leftover makeup from earlier. She sat there with her same cold demeanor. I watched her the same emotionless face when she came home after the hospital, the first time he hit her. It was at that moment everything changed for us. Every day she grew colder. More dead inside.

She stared in the mirror watching herself. She dragged her fingers across her face like she was hoping to feel something. Like she was numb.

I grabbed the stool sitting next to her, "mom," I whispered, sitting next to her, "can you hear me?"

She turned her face toward me, her mouth agape, "yes," she answered, "I can hear you."

I grabbed her hand, "we can do this mom. We don't need to depend on him anymore. And besides, what about Jude? Don't you have feelings for him?"

"I do, but I still love your father too." Her speech was calm but slow.

"How could you still love him? Even after I told you what he did to me!"

"You don't understand Lucy-"

I stood up from the stool, "you're right I don't understand. You're still choosing him over me." I scoffed, "I thought you changed, but you're still the same broken woman who can't even stand up her own daughter let alone herself! You're a coward!"

It was as if the sound of thunder went off in the room. I fell to the ground feeling the welt that covered the side of my cheek. Her ring slightly cutting me. I glanced up to see my mother hovering over me. Her face completely darkening, her eyebrows furrowed, her breathing becoming heavier and heavier.

She slapped me.

I buried my face in the ground, clutching my face as my eyes began to water, "I hate you." I whispered.

I could hear her soft gasp. For a few seconds, she just stood there looking down on me. She finally left locking herself in her bathroom.

I stood up, running out of her room to the front door. It was pouring rain as I stepped outside running in any direction. I just ran and ran and ran. Not thinking about where I was going.

The rain was getting heavier and heavier, completely drenching me head to toe. It felt as if bullets struck my skin over and over again, making me wince in pain. The rain was starting to cloud my vision, making the road more and more blurry. I could hear car horns beside me warning me they were coming, "I'm sorry!" I yelled to an oncoming car telling me to get the hell out of the way.