One More Time

Part 4

Several hours had passed, when Stevie heard the front door open and then close, followed by the sound of Lindsey's car keys being tossed away. Stevie wanted to go to him, but she had no clue what was on his mind and if he wanted to face her at all. She patiently waited in the living room, with her journal across her lap. A few minutes later, Lindsey entered the room and came to sit down next to her, leaving some space between them.

"What the hell, Stevie?" Was the first thing that came out of his mouth. "You're married?"

Closing her journal, Stevie put it away and turned to Lindsey, so badly wanting to reach out and touch him. "I can explain, just listen to me, please."

"I'm all ears." He folded his arms and leaned against the back of the couch, his full attention on Stevie.

"If only you had stayed, you'd know that David came to tell me he has signed the divorce papers. He and I have been separated for months."

"Why didn't you tell me? He's not your boyfriend, he's your husband." Lindsey emphasized. "I think I had the right to know."

Nodding her head, Stevie said. "I know." She agreed and apologized, before continuing. "I met David through a mutual friend, when I lived in a Klonopin haze. I didn't really have anybody, I didn't want to have anyone getting too close. But David insisted on being a part of my life and I should be thankful he did. He was the one person by my side, he took care of me, he made sure I was okay. He made me laugh." Something as simply as laughing had become impossible at one point for Stevie. "He told me he was in love with me and I told him I was in love with him too. I wasn't." She added. "Now I realize that. I don't know what made us think that, but to us, the only right thing to do was to get married. And we did. We got married in secret, nobody knew about it. I didn't want people knowing about it, because things were actually going really well." Stevie grew quiet, which caused Lindsey's eyes to focus on her again. He could tell whatever she wanted to say, she struggled with it.

"I'm here to listen and try and understand, Steph. Please." He moved closer to her, but he fought back against touching her. "You have to tell me the whole truth."

Sighing, she nodded her head, lifting her eyes up at him and he saw they were brimmed with tears. "I got pregnant." Lindsey had a feeling of where that was going and his arm instantly wrapped around her, Stevie cuddled up to him. His lips gently pressed against her forehead and she continued. "David and I were so excited." She smiled sadly. "That is the reason, our baby, why I went to rehab. I was doing alright, the first trimester went by considerably well. They say it's the riskiest time during a pregnancy. Naturally, we were happy when I passed that mark. We were making plans, thinking of the nursery, thinking about names. I-I... I heard her heartbeat, I felt her little kicks." Swallowing the lump of tears, Stevie took a moment to compose herself. "24 weeks, my waters broke and the doctors couldn't give me an explanation. She was stillborn."

"Oh God..." Tears in his own eyes, Lindsey hugged Stevie closer, kissing anywhere he could reach. "I'm so sorry." It seemed lame, but what else could he say? He simply held her in his arms and tried to soothe her with his voice, his touch. 

"I was depressed. The loss hit me hard. David tried to take care of me, he made sure I ate and slept, at least he tried. I just cried, I didn't understand why me. I really wanted that baby. I thought, finally, after such a long time, I'm happily married and I'm about to become a mother. It was taken away just like that." She emphasized, snapping her fingers. "David was hurting too, I didn't see it back then. I cared about my own feelings, about my loss. It was our loss." She sniffled. "I pushed him away. He... he, um... David cheated on me. I believe him, that it was a one time thing, but..." Shrugging her shoulders, Stevie shook her head. "I walked out. I couldn't take any more heartache. With everything that happened, our relationship, our marriage was beyond repair. I left before you and I reconciled, I filed for divorce and I thought the divorce would be quick and painless, you'd never have to know about it. How silly of me." Stevie sighed, having calmed down at last. "David showed up today to make sure I was serious, that there really was no way back for us."

"Why has it taken him so long?" Lindsey asked, rocking her gently in his arms. 

"He thought I'd come back. He says, he loves me still." 

"Do you? I mean... do you still have feelings for him?" Lindsey absolutely hated asking that question, because he feared Stevie's answer, but she only shook her head. "I'm sorry for overreacting." Lindsey then said. "I feel like such an asshole after you told me all that." He pressed a kiss to her temple. 

"You didn't know. I should have told you." 

"Well, I know now. But we can't keep secrets from each other, Steph. Is that all you had to tell me?" Lindsey asked, his eyes on hers.

"Nothing else." Stevie shook her head. "What about you? Is there something I should know?"

Without hesitation Lindsey replied. "Nothing."