Baekhyun sucked in the fresh air of the sea. The brisk wind met his face and tossed his hair backward. He walked over to the front of the deck and scanned the horizon, waiting for it to appear in front of his eyes. His fingertips were cold and hands were clammy. This is the moment I've longed for. They were on their way to the island. Back home. It was just for a week, but Baekhyun was happy. He did not say that out loud, though; they were going back for a reason.
He remembered his dad staggering downstairs that morning, announcing that they were going to pay a visit to the island, immediately. The island had not been mentioned since they had moved, Baekhyun was curious to know why. But the grim look on his father's face stopped him from asking him any questions.
"Yixing's father is sick," His dad told him later, as they were on their way to the mainland's harbor, "Really sick. We don't know if he can make it."
He must be feeling terrible.
"We only got the mail today. There must have been some delay in the mail." He said, regretfully.
Baekhyun wished that he could be there immediately to comfort Yixing.
He felt so sorry for Yixing's dad; he had always been kind to Baekhyun. He was nice to everyone, but Baekhyun felt like Yixing's dad treated him like his own son. He also felt so sorry for his dad; the heartbroken expression on his dad's face made him feel hurt as well. They have known each other for a long time. They were probably best friends. But I ruined it.
A tiny dot appeared. Then a little bigger. A bit more. Baekhyun's heart raced. He felt a lump in his throat. He could see the dock they played on when they were kids, the mountain they climbed up to get away from the sun, the beach they walked on when they felt down. His dad patted his shoulder; he managed a smile. But he lost it when the ferry passed by their islet. It seemed like someone pounded on his chest, he could taste the saltiness of his tears.
Yixing's neighbor was waiting for them on the dock. Baekhyun's heart sank when he saw that she was wearing all black. Baekhyun saw his dad's legs give away and almost tripping over. Baekhyun held his father's arm. He had wanted to cry, but his dad's pain-stricken pale face stopped him from crying.
The funeral was held at the top of the mountain, in an old temple. Baekhyun had only been there once, in elementary school, when a kid died of cancer. Only monks went there, the others were not to interrupt unless something had happened. Like this.
Inadvertently, he looked towards the direction of Yixing's house. Memories rushed back to Baekhyun. The ones he had purposely put in the back of his head. The good, the bad. For a second, he felt like someone had wrenched his heart.
His dad hurried in front. Baekhyun had never seen his dad this disconcerted, not even when he had found out about him and Yixing. On their way up the mountain, they passed the familiar waterfall. Baekhyun gritted his teeth to prevent himself from crying and sped up as well, holding his mom's arms.
By the time they arrived at the temple, the funeral had already started. They did not have the time to change from their bright clothing, so they stood in the very back. A lot of people came. Baekhyun recognized almost all of them. They wore solemn clothes and faces, sat upright and listened carefully. Following their gazes, Baekhyun looked to the monk that started speaking.
And then he had spotted him.
And his heart skipped a beat.
He wanted to speak to Yixing right then, but he waited. His father stood in front of the audience. Baekhyun listened carefully. His dad had tried to hold back his tears, but at the end, when he walked shakily down, Baekhyun could see his trembling chin.
Despite the years of separation, Yixing still managed to make he feel like butterflies were flying in his stomach. Baekhyun remembered Luhan telling him that that is what you feel when you are in love. Yixing plodded up to the small stage and thanked everyone for coming.
Baekhyun saw a girl.
She was next to Yixing.
She held his hand tight.
When he sat back down
She whispered in his ear.
He held her waist close.
The wings of the butterflies that flew suddenly broke off. Baekhyun told his dad that he did not want to interrupt this somber event with bright clothing.
He bowed deeply to the portrait of the deceased that hung on the wall and walked out.
He headed towards his house. His father had never sold it; they left it empty for two years. The key was still well hidden under the pot of plant; Baekhyun stumbled up to his room. It was overwhelming. How much he still cared. Baekhyun took a long, shuddering breath and dug his finger into his palm.
"Don't cry," he mumbled to himself, "Don't cry."
He unblinkingly stared at the ceiling. The tears that welled up stung his eyes. Someone knocked on the door. Probably dad. They knocked again. He has keys. Baekhyun heard the lock finally turn and then continued to sulk.
Over the past two years, Baekhyun had always imagined how they would meet again: in college, on the streets, at a bar. And he had also imagined how they would fall in love again, get married and then adopt a kid. He had also thought about the worse cases: Yixing would get a new boyfriend and he would try to get him back. But he had never thought that Yixing would go for a girl. Baekhyun covered his face with a pillow. Doesn't make any sense.
He did not hear the footsteps coming upstairs and jumped at his dad's voice outside of the door. Baekhyun quickly wiped off his tears and sat up as the door opened.
His dad put his arm around him and rubbed his back. It was one of the few times Baekhyun's father expressed his affection, Baekhyun felt his tears were gushing out again. His dad patted him like he had done when Baekhyun was a kid.
His dad held him for a long time. The sobbing gradually stopped.
"His dad likes girls," Baekhyun's dad said, "it's genetic.
You have to let him choose himself. Then he'll know what he wants.
If you're the only one he sees, of course he'll think he likes you.
Let him choose." His dad said softly.
At last, his dad said, "If you are upset, writing it down in a diary helps a lot."
"Yeah right," Baekhyun tried put on a smile, "you just want me to practice my handwriting."
