Far Away

Crash and Burn

Ziva was reeling as she walked out of the bar, and it had nothing to do with alcohol.

Why did he have to keep bringing up LA? He knew that she hated to dwell in the past. He knew that she didn't want to be reminded of her screw-up. He of all people should've understood that.

Yes, it hurt that they were going to be separated, but the possibility that the separation was punishment for LA hurt worse.

At least she could get away from all this. Get away from all the reminders.

She could put the past in the past, exactly where she liked it.

No more dwelling on LA.

She reached her car and got in, hardly considering the fact that she'd had a drink. Did it even matter anymore? Her blood alcohol level hardly seemed important compared to other things.

If she crashed, so be it.

But she made it back to her apartment in one piece. She let herself in and took a detour through the kitchen on her way to the couch. The one tiny drink she'd had at the bar wasn't enough to make her numb. She was sick of the guilt, sick of the grief, sick of everything.

So in a way, it was good that she was being sent back to Israel. Her father would make sure she reverted to being an emotionless assassin. She'd be alone, she'd be expendable, but she wouldn't have to feel.

It was a fair trade-off.

She tried to drink it slowly, but she wanted the numbness now.

She refilled her glass when it was empty. She didn't want it to be empty like her.

Nothing should feel that empty.

How could she feel so empty?

***

Tony wasn't too drunk to see the look he was getting from the bartender. He knew that one more drink would get his keys taken away if they hadn't been taken already.

He got to his feet, stumbling before he'd even moved from the counter. He didn't think he'd had that much to drink. He could still feel the despair pounding in his chest.

Somehow he got outside and to his car.

"Hey, buddy, can I call you a cab?" someone asked, wrapping his arm around their shoulders to keep him upright.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I'm good."

"Are you sure? You don't seem so good."

"I'm sure." He attempted a smile but couldn't remember how to move his face.

The guy called a cab. There was a brief conversation with the driver, all of which Tony missed. It didn't matter anyway.

"I'm good," he said again.

"Hop in, buddy, I'll pay your fare," the guy said, opening the door for him.

He didn't want to leave his car at the bar, but he was suddenly so tired and didn't think he could keep his eyes open much longer. Maybe it would be better if he took the cab.

He hesitated only a moment longer before giving in to the stranger's generous offer.

"You're a good man," he mumbled.

The guy handed a piece of paper to the driver and said something Tony didn't quite catch.

Next thing he knew, they were coasting down the freeway.

***

The bottle was empty and so was she.

Jenny's face hovered in her mind's eye, taunting her.

She knew there was another bottle in the kitchen, but she also knew that she couldn't possibly make it that far without falling or passing out.

So those were her options.

Keep seeing Jenny's face or risk head injury. Either way she was screwed.

She clumsily got to her feet, clutching the back of the sofa to catch her balance.

Just fifteen feet, that's all it was.

As soon as she let go of the sofa, she fell. She landed hard on her knees but barely felt it.

Why was she still seeing Jenny's face?

She tried another tactic, crawling to the kitchen. It was easily to stay upright, but she had to rest every few feet. She was so tired.

She just had to stand up to get the bottle off the top of the cupboard.

The kitchen appliances twisted around her, menacing and foreign. When did she get a second refrigerator?

Her fingers brushed the bottom of the bottle. So close. Maybe if she got a chair to stand on?

No. Don't stand on chair drunk.

But the bottle...

It seemed to tease her as she stood there swaying, head tilted back to see it.

Oh.

She remembered the vodka in the cupboard by the fridge. That would do.

By which fridge?

She stumbled to the closest one, surprised when it disappeared under her fingers.

She turned to the other one and hugged it for not running away. The vodka bottle was easy to find, but disappointingly low on vodka.

Maybe she could get more tomorrow.

The top came off, and she took a shot straight from the bottle rather than look around for another glass.

Immediately her stomach rebelled, and she nearly didn't make it to the garbage can before she was bringing all the alcohol back up.

***

The cab driver was kind enough to walk Tony up to his apartment. Tony took a wad of cash from his wallet and handed it to him before he tried to unlock his door.

"Here." The man took his key and easily got it in the lock, first try.

"Thanks, man!" Tony kind of wanted to hug him but the driver was already walking away, apparently fascinated by the cash.

He somehow got into the apartment and made his way to the couch. He knew he should just sleep it off, but he also wanted to watch Spiderman.

And what was Ziva doing?

Ziva was at the bar, and then she got mad at him and left. Why was she mad at him?

Did he say something wrong?

A goofy grin crossed his face as he thought of her. She was so pretty, Ziva. He loved her. He loved Ziva.

A whole freaking lot.

Why didn't she love him back?

What did he do?

Oh. The funeral flashed across his mind, shortly followed by memories of LA.

He was the reason Jenny died. His friend, his boss. He screwed up. Big time. Everyone blamed him for Jenny's death. They didn't say it but he knew they did. He had the most important assignment of his life, protecting Jenny, and he screwed it up. He was a failure. He let her die.

All the things he had tried to forget by drinking.

Obviously that didn't work.

But he knew one thing that would work.

*****

Are you worried for them? You should be.

Just kidding. Everything gets better, I promise.

Also... how do you guys feel about drunk Tony? Drunk Ziva? Do you think it's somewhat accurate? I've never been drunk, or even had alcohol, so I wouldn't know what that's like. Just trying to base this off their drinking scene at the end of season five. Gotta really make you feel their struggle.

Vote and comment if you're liking this story!