I feel sick. And I'm crying finally. Because my dysphoria is bad. And I just feel so unlovable and broken and I feel like I'll never really be loved by a guy because honestly? Half the gay guys out there could do so much better than me. A boyfriend with an actual dick. A boyfriend without boobs. A boyfriend who isn't disgusting. A boyfriend who is not me. I feel like I'm gonna puke and I just feel so disgusting and so out of place. And what if I'm never accepted and what if I never go on hormones.
I'll never fall in love. I'll never go on cheesy dates. I'll never kiss anybody again. I'll never get to know what it's like to have sex unless it's out of pity or get married. I'll never know what it'll be like to grow old and die with someone else by my side because honestly? If I ever do, they'll be the most unlucky person alive. It's kind of pathetic.
