KIM TAEHYUNG | taehyung x irina

thirty six

| taehyung's point of view

It's been almost a year when she left and I have been coping pretty well but others don't think I am. Especially the most annoying couple ever, Jimin and Mara. They won't stop worrying about me as if I'd do something stupid if they let me off their eyes for a moment. Ugh, married couples. I'm not their kid.

I came home after hanging out with some friends and I needed a bath because I smell like alcohol. When I was trying to clutch at the smooth wall, out of nowhere, I felt my stomach churning and my gastric contents rising up towards my throat. I ran to the bathroom but tripped over a box on my way there.

"Fuck!" I stubbed my toe with it and froze because of the pain then I eyed the box that has been knocked over the floor, the contents spilled and I suddenly feel myself beginning to sober up.

It was her things. I picked up the wedding scrapbook. She cuts out things like the kinds of flowers she wants and sticks it on there. I sat down beside the box and flipped through the pages of her wedding plans. She wanted a vintage wedding dress and a bouquet pretty bouquet of flowers. My fingertips brushed against the corner of the paper as I turned to another page where she had written down a list of places we could go for the honeymoon and I wondered if she was in one of those places now. Did she find somewhere to stay? How is settled in? I constantly worry about her even when I know I shouldn't be. She left and I told her to.

We were only days away from the wedding so all around the apartment there were wedding stuff, and the things that she left behind – our couple mug, the sweater she hasn't finished knitting, her shampoo, her bath soap, her scented candles. I had to get rid of everything. I can't look at all of them. And then there were pictures of her.

My chest tightened a little when I saw her face and I wondered how she looks now. How is she? What has she been doing while I'm here pretending I'm not miserable.

Everyday people at work are talking behind my back. They say I didn't get left behind at the altar but this was worst. Every day for the past months, they've been walking on eggshells around me, always cautious when I'm around. I hate it. I'm perfectly fine and coping. I don't need people baby proofing everything around me, making sure they don't mention her name when I'm near. It's ridiculous. I miss her.

"So, any plans of moving on?" Jimin came to my work place unannounced while I was busy boxing up my stuff since I'm moving to a new office. A nicer one. "It's been a year since your girlfriend left. Oh, I mean you're ex girlfriend."

"I'm moved on." I said and ignored him when he rolled his eyes at me.

"Moved on where? How are you moved when you still have her things in your apartment?" He said as he took the seat across my desk. "Are you still hoping that she will come back?"

Jimin released a sigh. "You know if you really love her you shouldn't have let her leave like that." Jimin followed after me, saying stuff that I don't want to hear because I am already aware of how much I'm falling apart without her. "You know, I know this girl.. she's my secretary. She's single, as far as I know, I can set you up with her. Or, you know, you can ask out that model you're working with, she likes you, right? Try her."

"I already did. We dated each other for a month. It didn't work out. Right now I'm not looking for any relationship yet." I replied nonchalantly which made Jimin's sigh become habitual every time he's around me.