"Who does she think she is?" I was talking to my mirror reflection again. "Did she think I went there for her? Hah. She wish!"
"How dare she even tell me that she's selling the ring I gave her after dropping it in that man's coffee? I defended her and she had the audacity to tell me to stay away because she doesn't want to look for another job?? Wow." I added while brushing my teeth aggressively and ended up hurting my gums so I slowed down. "I'm throwing her things out first thing in the morning!"
I couldn't sleep that night, thinking about what she told me. Sometimes I get mad at her and sometimes, I kind of understand where she's coming from. After all, I really did come to see her. So that does mean I'm mad at myself?
"Argh!" I kicked my pillows off and sent them flying to the floor as I sat up. "What am I doing!?"
In the end, I didn't sleep. I texted almost everyone, asking to go out but no one wanted to accompany me. I hate being alone at night because I think about her so much. I think about how she hugs my back or how she smells after her shower. I hate that I still haven't thrown her pillow out or even changed the pillowcase because I like smelling her when I'm falling asleep.
I closed my eyes and allowed myself to picture her face today. She looked good. She cut her hair. She lost a little weight but still, she looks great. She changed how she puts her make up. Now it's more natural and I like the new blush on her cheeks. Her slim frame just makes her curves standout. I bet half of their male customers goes there just to see her bring their coffee to their table. Wait, has she been seeing anyone?
My eyes shot open at the realization. It's not impossible. It's been a year. She could be dating her co worker or her boss. Dammit, they could be fucking in his office almost every day. She could be giving him mind blowing oral under his desk or he could have her bent over his desk. With or without clothes, fucking her is always great. Why am I getting aroused just imagining her getting fucked by someone else?
I'm getting hard and I have no one to help me with it. This sucks. I hate watching porn since I feel so desperate whenever I watch it so I clench my fist and punched my pillow before putting it over my face and groaning my frustrations into it. "I hate this!"
*
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Irina was working in the morning when I walked in, hands in my pocket. She noticed me while she greeted her co workers. I sat down by myself and kept my arms across my chest as I waited for her to change into her uniform. She came out with a brown apron tied around her waist, a grey button up shirt and black skirt.
