Time Goes By [COMPLETED]

chapter 23

Nic's POV

I stared at the sun while waiting for the light to completely engulf my eyes. To blind myself into it's sunlight and I no longer see again. Hopefully feel something from this.

After all, feeling empty is the worst kind of feeling when all you feel is nothing. Numb is all I've become and it's feels like a pile of bricks laying on the top of your heart. Creating this barrier to stop your heart from feeling anything.

I wish I could feel something again, including pain. That tremendous emotional pain I had four days ago is gone and replaced with emptiness. I just want feel something, anything to bring my senses back.

I closed my eyes as I felt a slight burn and It felt good to feel again. I opened my eyes to find bright circles glowing and fading in every couple of seconds. Call me crazy and I won't deny; I felt content to feel the pain.

For the past few days, I've locked myself in this old dusty room, my old room in my parent's house. It brought memories just being here again; playing video games for long hours on the weekend, reading books on my bed late at night, taking care of baby matthew when my parents went out on a date, and hiding my phone whenever my mom checks up on me in the middle of the night.

It aches my heart to see how empty this room is; The bed no longer has the baby blue covers, the curtains are on floor with dust and bugs on them; found a big spider with a tiny ones walking around. The furniture is long gone; my carpet is gone, so is my favourite couch. All that is left is my bed, my closet, my desk and my bed side table. The closet is empty. Although I found some of my old pyjamas that no longer fit and had dust on them. My bedside table had some of my favourite books in the drawer that I would spent late night just reading. I also found some of my old school books on the desk. The first thing I did when I found them is burn my physics book in the backyard. No longer want that piece of shit; It brings me nightmares just staring at it.

Sometimes, I wish to go back to those times even though they weren't my best. Maybe to change things around. Perhaps, to be normal as they want me to be. Not that weird awkward teen that just let people bully her whenever they can. It's pretty crazy to see how time passes and the problems you had, are no longer there. The problems you spent nights complaining about or crying over them, they won't exist anymore. You would laugh about them in the future and maybe feel sad just thinking about them but at the end, they will just be a small memory that's no longer involved in your life.

I heard a light knock from the door and I looked over to see my mom wearing a gentle comforting smile on her face while stepping inside the room. She closed the door and cautiously walked towards me. "Hey there, dear." She said and I looked away, staring down from the window at the people walking down the street. I saw a woman struggling with her dog who sat at our front yard. She was pulling at his string as he used our front yard to poop on the grass. My mom is gonna go crazy after seeing this.

I turned to my mom to see her leaning against the wall while daydreaming at my room. She wore a simple smile that yet holds some much meaning into it. I knew she was about to say something like she always do and I waited for her to speak. It's her who comes around and talk to me about situations like this. Whenever you're down or sad or happy or anxious or terrified  there's someone sharing with you these moments. To me it's my mom. Always has been and always will be.

"It felt like yesterday, you and Jonathan were inside of me. It felt like yesterday, I've been told I'd be getting twins; a boy and a girl." She paused and smiled at me. I saw so many emotions in her eyes but her happiness shined the most. "Time flies so fast and you're gonna find yourself in the middle of your fifties with amazing kids. See your baby girl all grown up. Being the smartest person I know and the most beautiful person I've ever seen." She wiped a fallen tear and I felt a clench in my heart. To see your mother crying is the last thing any kid would want to see.