Destiny - a Merthur fic

Chapter 1

Merlin's POV
I walked quickly to Arthur's chambers, my heart weighing down with dread at what I would have to tell him.
I entered, looking around nervously. Arthur wasn't there. I continued to gather all the things he would nee for the battle and the journey.
I heard the door open and close behind me. "What's this, Merlin?"
"All the things you'll need to be prepared for your journey." I said, swallowing.
He looked at me curiously. "MY journey?"
I cleared my throat. Just get it over with, I thought. "I'm afraid I won't be coming with you." Arthur looked puzzled. "I have an urgent errand to run for Gaius, and it can't wait."
He sighed. "It's all right, Merlin."
"Arthur-"
"You know, all those things I said about you being a coward... I never really meant any of them. I always thought you were the bravest man I ever met." He looked up to meet my eyes, and then cast them down again. "I guess I was wrong." It was so hard to lie to him like this, but I was useless to him without magic. Hell, I was useless to myself without magic.
But, Arthur had said he'd thought I was the bravest man I ever met? That made me feel warm inside for a second until I contemplated what he'd said after it, and it sunk into a feeling of dread.
Arthur turned around and busied himself with something.
I composed myself before asking: "Will that be all, sire?"
He turned around. "Well, if that errand is so urgent, shouldn't you be doing it?"
I nodded a little too fast. "Yes, I suppose." I paused. "Be safe, Arthur." I felt like reaching out and hugging him, but given his mood he wouldn't take it well.
He nodded and turned around again.
"Arthur..." I started, caught on a whim. A stupid whim. A whim of telling him my true feelings... No, Merlin, what are you thinking, you dollophead? I scolded myself. I didn't even know WHAT my true feelings were.
He turned his head. "Yes, Merlin?" He almost looked hopeful.
I shook my head. "Nothing. Just... Never mind." I turned and walked fast out of his chambers, feeling like my face was burning. To think I had come so close to telling him something like that scared me.
I booked it back to Gaius's chambers. It was dark in the corridor despite it being midday, and out of habit I inclined my head towards the torch to light it, and then remembered that my magic was gone. I bit my lip and kept walking.