Favourite Girl

Chapter 8

So you told him, despite the pain. You told him....everything.

'I don't really know where to start.' You whispered, voice already shaking at the idea of sharing yourself so wholly with someone for the first time in your life. 'Do you really want to know everything? Who she is? What happened before her? What happened...' You swallowed hard. 'After.'

'If it's part of you then I want to know. I want to know everything about you Y/N. The good and the bad. You remember me telling you how I feel about you last night right?'

You blushed deeply and then nodded. 'Yeah, but everything is a little blurry after that.'

'Well those words don't hold any less meaning today. I still really like you Y/N and I'll carry on liking you no matter what you're about to tell me.' He moved closer to you on the couch, pulling the blanket up around the both of you. 'So I'm going to sit here and hold you for as long as it takes for your words to run out. Okay?' He wrapped his arm around you and pulled you to his chest. Your breathing settled at the contact and the warmth of his woollen jumper against your cheek.

'Okay.' You sat back from his hold then, leaning your back against the arm of the couch and crossing your legs in front of you so you were looking at him and he was looking at you.

'I guess it all started when my mum left. On the surface we'd always been this perfect, happy family, so when I was 15 and she just walked out one day and never came back it caught me completely off guard. I guess even I didn't know what was going on under the surface of everything. But the thing that shocked me the most was how okay my dad was with her leaving. I know now, that my mum had been making him miserable for years and her leaving had made him finally free. But my mum had always been so kind to me so in the mist of my teenage angst his happiness made me so angry. I couldn't even look at him for the longest of times. So I shrouded myself in the world my mum had left me, the world I'm still trapped in now.'

'Norwegian Wood.' Namjoon muttered quietly, almost as if the words had never been intended to leave his mind.

'Yeah. She left me that book on my bed the night she left and I still wonder why. Are there answers in there she wanted me to find? Did I just need to read between the lines to discover what she was trying to tell me? Or to discover why she left? I've lost count of how many times I've read that book searching for the answers to those questions.' You laughed under your breath but tears were threatening to fall from your eyes. You began to play with a thread that had come loose at the corner of the blanket. 'Everything was really dark back then. I didn't go to school for a long time. All I did was sit and read, in my horrible dark room that I made into my own prison. Then one day my dad made me go to school. He shouted and screamed until all I could do was go. Who could blame him really? He was fed up and terrified. He was losing me like he had my mum, but he cared for me a lot more I guess. That's where she comes in...'

Your words began to hitch in your throat and suddenly you couldn't force out anything else. You sat there for a second, breathing as deeply as your tight chest would allow and occasionally attempting to open your mouth. You felt suddenly so lonely. The world you had already revealed was dark but what you were about to speak of was so much worse....a deeper and darker shade of awful. You were the only one that knew that and you suddenly weren't sure if you wanted to taint what you and Namjoon had with that darkness. You didn't want the light that Namjoon had introduced to your life to be clouded by shadow again. But just as he so often did, Namjoon seemed to know exactly what you were thinking. He took your silence as his cue to introduce some hope back into your heart.

'Y/N.' He whispered, moving a little closer to you and placing his hand over yours. 'It's okay. Take your time.' He reached up and wiped a tear from your cheek, a tear that you didn't even realise had fallen. You nodded and began to speak again, his simple words all you needed to help you along.