No Love // Lil Xan

•Four•

I quickly grab all four pregnancy tests and hide them in a bin under the sink. I unlock the door, still crying and over thinking life.

"Fucking hell butterfly, what happened? Are you okay?" Diego questioned worriedly. If he only knew what was happening. "I'm just thinking too much and I don't know. I just am in my feelings I guess" I lied. I hate lying to him but its for his own good. "Veronica don't cry. Come here" he opened his arms waiting to hug me. I walked to him and collapsed into his arms, continuing to cry. "I love you butterfly. Don't cry, I hate when you cry" he wiped my tears with his thumb.

He lifted me into his arms, carrying me out of the bathroom, out of my room, and into his. I was placed on the left side of his bed, while he climbed onto the right. I moved myself closer to him, his arms latched around me. I felt completely safe, and forgot about all my problems. I love this man. More than the world. He's everything to me. He's probably the reason I'm not a heroine addict or dead or some shit. Sure I do xanax, well used to before I found out I was with child, but thats only sometimes when I'm partying. Ugh, I think I'm in love, like not love in a family way, but like the kind of love that fucks your heart up, with Diego. Fuck Fuck FUCK my life. After thinking, way to much, I just fell asleep.

*couple weeks later*

I'm about 5 weeks pregnant, I think. Today's my first ultrasound. I'm nervous as fuck and I'm also kind of happy. Today's just a check up I think because I'm not that far along. I get up out of bed, and walk to the wash room. I lock the door and turn on the shower, as always its hotter than the devils anus, just how I like it. I begin to strip my clothing, starting with my shirt. I glimpse at the mirror, and do a double take. I have the slightest little bump. Thats odd, I'm not that far alone, but maybe its because I've always been quite skinny and its jus showing. I put my hand on my belly, smiling. Nothing else mattered in the moment. I took my hand off, and continued getting undressed, and hopped in the shower. Once I'm out, I wrap up in a towel and walk out to find my clothes. I settle on a tie dye shirt, a pair of black jeans, and a thrasher hoodie that belonged to Diego. I checked the time, 9:58. I still had a bit till my appointment. I put on some socks, slipped on my vans, brushed my hair, and went to go make myself a bagel. I scarfed down my bagel as if I was starving. Diego was still asleep, and I was thankful so he wouldn't ask questions as to where I was going. I grabbed the car keys, and walked out of the house. Once I was in the car, I began to take the 15 minute drive to where my ultrasound was scheduled. I put on some tunes and jammed on my way there. Once I arrived, I could feel the anxiety building up inside me. I got out of the car after what seemed like an eternity, locked it, and walked inside the place. I signed in and walked into the waiting area.

"Veronica Seavy, if you could follow me" a girl who I assumed was the ultrasound technician.

Wow, not that long of a wait. I got up, smiled at the lady, and followed her. She had me lay on the bed thing and asked me questions such as age and things of that sort. She had me pull up my shirt and squirted chilly jelly on my stomach.

"Well it seems that you are about 6 weeks along and you'll be hearing the heart beat in just a few seconds" the lady who's name was Lillian said.

Six weeks? wow. Time flew. I thought I was only 5 weeks but I guess not. My thoughts came to an abrupt stop when I began hearing my baby's heartbeat.

"Oh my goodness" I cried, tears of joy. "I never knew I could be so emotional over a heartbeat".

Lillian laughed and asked if I wanted ultrasound pictures. Obviously I do so I said yes. What an emotional, good start to the day. After all the business was done, I left and was on my way home.