Trophy Child (On Hold)

Chapter 15

"So, Casey, let's pick up where we left off," Ms. Lisa said.

True to her word, I had been called to her office again. On the upside though, It had gotten me out of Mrs. Daniel's class

"Where was that again?" I asked.

"We were discussing your missed assignments and we made you that to-do list," Ms. Lisa reminded me.

She gave me that false smile. The one that all teachers used when they were trying to get kids to think that they mattered to them.

"Oh, right, that."

"How about that project for Mrs. Daniel?" She asked, pulling it up on the computer," that was one of the ones you added to your to-do list. What happened?"

"I don't know. I finished it."

"And that's a step in the right direction, but why did you score so poorly?"

I should have been expecting the question, but I really wasn't. It felt almost like an attack.

"I don't know. I guess I didn't start early enough, so I just ran out of time."

She nodded like I'd confirmed her suspicions, but I don't think she realized what I really meant. Procrastination wasn't my problem. Not exactly. It was lack of motivation. It was that too many other things were going on in my life and they took over, pushed things like school projects into the corner until it was too late.

"Okay, let's try going over some time management tools then," she said.

That sounded horrible to me, but I let her go on anyway. She rambled for a long while, showing me the example packets that she had handy, talking about how I could apply the tricks to my classes, and referring back to my grades. I zoned out somewhere around the middle of it all.

Phil's behavior, the incident with Josh, and my parents were all still swirling around in my head. I thought that maybe eventually my problems would gnaw their way through my skull and become visible to everyone else.

When Ms. Lisa regained my attention, it was clear that that hadn't happened.

"Casey, are you listening to me? If you aren't going to take this seriously, then we have nothing to discuss. I'm doing this for you, not for me, so I'd appreciate it if you could at least pay attention."

I don't know what about the statement was different from every other time I'd heard it, but that was when I snapped.

"For me? You're not doing this for me. I don't want any of this."

"Casey, you need to--"

"I know, I've heard it all a million times now. I need to try harder with my work and get my grades up, so that I can go to a good college and do it all over again. Go on to get a degree that I don't care about, but that will help me get a better job so that I have the money to retire earlier than my parents."

"Is that not what you want?" Ms. Lisa asked.

"Of course it's not what I want! But no one cares about what I want. They just care about this screwed up vision they have of me running a company in the future or whatever, and they don't like that I'm ruining that."

"Everyone just wants what's best for you, Casey. We only want to help you to succeed," Ms. Lisa promised me.

The smile had fallen from her face, and now she just looked tired. Sick of dealing with me and my drama.

"No, that's not what you want. You just want your next paycheck."

It sounded cold, even for me, but I wasn't backing down.