You Matter⇾Viktor X Yuuri // Yoi Fanfiction

°• cнapтer ѕeven •°

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The day had passed, a damn week had passed. So why can't he seem to get that one moment out of his head? It wasn't special, hell he probably deserved what that guy...

Sometimes it's hard to remember how hurting yourself hurts others too, however, he felt that he needed a physical punishment for his mental thoughts. "So stupid!..." He scolded himself running a knife through his skin a couple times. Now wasn't this also ironic, now he had cut himself because he can't express how he feels any other way? Just like the stupid shower incident with himself, he was acting dramatic...  but... although Yuuri knew this, why would anyone really care if he messed himself up? Viktor might, but for a second Yuuri couldn't see why. Why Viktor had done everything he had, then it clicked.

It still makes no sense, but he loves me.

Just a few, then I won't do it again or Viktor will definitely notice. He thought blatantly.

It's not that he wanted to tear through his skin. He thought he needed to be punished for thinking selfishly, for being used so easily and actually admiring the eyes of whom used him. His eyes were pretty, not as pretty as Viktor's, but very pretty. And after staring at posters of this man, he knew Viktor was far more beautiful than Jin.

"Oi Katsudon! Hurry up, we're going to be yelled at. Your fucking boyfriend and Yakov together is the ugliest combination." He growled while repeatedly slamming his foot on the changing booth door. Yuuri sighed as he slid his sleeve down from off his shoulder and put the pocket knife (he now keeps)  back into his pocket.

Gliding onto the ice- his knees felt weak and his ankles still ached. To say he would be able to land his jumps would be the epitome of saying Yurio wouldn't swear for once. This year though, he also began getting closer to his blond friend. And if not, he can definitely read his emotions better and so can Yurio.

His pelvis became even more irritated than it already was and everything hurt, but with the GPF coming up and his time running short- he had to ignore it, had to remind himself not only his reputation was on the line but so was Viktor's. It seems that now is the time when he had to constantly remind himself that. After doing spin after spin and jump after jump, the pain only grew and his body couldn't take it, but that wasn't the problem in his case- he needed to take it. Yuuri grew tired of his body's lack of effort, unlike his mind. In his mind he was able to push aside all the pain and focus on one thing, one thing that can take him through anything, because Viktor is the magic in my life and Viktor makes anything possible. Hell, Yuuri wouldn't be surprised if he were to see him make pigs fly tomorrow, he already made Yuuri soar higher than he'd ever be able to get by himself ...

Taking his place on the ice, he got ready for a quad- while practicing, he to do at least one by the end of the day, but Yuuri always liked to do way more than that and so did everyone else. Today though, he wasn't even sure if he would be able to do any, the way his practice had been going so far proved that.

Just think of Viktor, think of his skating, his love for skating. 
As much as he tried to think of Viktor, he couldn't. And if Yuuri did think of him, it was just about how upset he would be if he found out what happened. How used and disgusting he really was.

The ice slowly became a black hole in his mind and as he pushed himself to start the quad, the blades felt like a lawn mower unmercifully slicing his own skin. He couldn't dance- shit he couldn't even breathe.

He jumped into the air doing a spin- he wasn't aware of how many rotations.

The air and his tears were basically knocked completely out of him as he fell into the same black hole eating at his mind. He could feel his wet cheeks while he lay on the ice. Everything hurt a thousand times more, but that's not why he was crying. That's not why his heart is hurting.