Chapter 7
Randy had to leave to get back on the road a few days later. He promised that he would call soon. It didn't really matter to me if he called or not. I made it clear that if he wanted to be in Caden's life, that he needed to be consistent. He couldn't just be a father to him when it was convenient; being a parent is a full time job. I could already tell that my son was getting attached to Randy. It scared me a little bit because we still hadn't told him that Randy was his father. Randy said he wanted to wait until the test results came back positive and then tell him. I told him that was a waste of time, because they were going to come back saying that he was the father, so why bother waiting?
He had made an appointment at the local hospital for a DNA test for him and Caden. I still don't know what the point of even taking the test was; I knew Caden was Randy's son. For two reasons, Randy was the only man I had been sleeping with, and reason number two is that for the last three and half years I have had to live with a carbon copy of Randy. Caden looks just like him and has his mannerisms as well. It's like living with a miniature Randy some days.
A few weeks went by and everything seemed to be all right for the three of us. Caden really liked getting to hang out with Randy when he was back in St. Louis. He even got to meet his hero John Cena face to face. John actually came home with Randy one weekend. Caden was so excited that his hero John Cena was in his living room I thought he was going to bounce off the walls! Of course the first thing my son did was drag his box of Army men out into the living room. I have the cutest picture of Caden, John and Randy on their hands and knees staging an Army guy war in my living room. John was a great guy; he got a kick out of Caden; which was good, because Caden absolutely idolized John. I watched Randy and John play with my son. Randy was a natural. I was so glad that Randy and Caden were getting along.
The DNA test results had come to Randy's house yesterday. He said he was going to bring them over today. He was going to be home for almost a week and wanted to spend all the time he could with Caden. But I wonder, if that result, for some horrible reason, say that he's not Caden's father, is he still going to hang around? It would hurt my son terribly if Randy just stopped coming around. Caden was really starting to get attached to him. He asked me every night at bedtime when Randy was coming over again. I told him 'soon' which seemed to pacify his little mind. I warned Randy about this when he came over tonight with the results. It was later, probably around 9:00 and we had just put Caden to bed. We were sitting in the living room, enjoying a beer, and trying to make polite conversation with each other, when I knew we both wanted to know what was in that envelope.
It's not that I was nervous that Randy wouldn't be the father, I knew he was. I was nervous because Randy had said that him knowing for sure would make this more 'real' to him. I guess I didn't understand what that mean. Being a parent has been 'real' to me since I found out I was pregnant. After a few minutes of avoiding the subject, I sighed in frustration and poked Randy in the arm. "Are you going to sit here all night talking about the weather or are you going to open that envelope?"
He smirked at me, setting his beer down on the coffee table and opening the envelope. I watched his face as he took the results out and read them. A smile started spreading across his face as he finished reading them and put them back in the envelope, setting it on the floor. "I'm a father..." he whispered as he turned to look at me.
"You are. And you're on your way to being a great father, Randy. Caden is absolutely crazy about you already. I need to know something, though."
"What?" he said softly as he reached for my hand. I felt a blush creeping on my cheeks at the feeling of my hand in his.
"I need to know if you're going to stick around now that you know for sure. I don't want you around if all you're going to do is be here for a little while and then drop out of his life. It isn't fair to Caden."
"I'm not going anywhere, Sara. I mean, I have to travel for my job, but I promise you that I will be here as much as I can for him."
"Ok. I just wanted to make sure..."
I turned the tv on and we started watching the local news. It was starting to get late; I wonder if Randy thought he was spending the night? Part of me wants him to, that part wants us to just forget that we had broken up in the first place and just be a happy little family together. The other part of me is constantly reminded that because he had accused me of cheating on him while he was away, and because he said over and over again that he didn't want kids, I had to raise our son alone for the first three and a half years of his life. That was the part that didn't want him to stay here tonight. That was the part that wanted him to go away. I was feeling really conflicted; do I want him or don't I? We've only kissed once since he's been coming around. It was an amazing kiss, but the only one that's happened.
"So...now there's something I've got to ask you, Sara," he said, breaking the silence between us.
"What?"
"What happens with us?"
"What do you mean, what happened with us, Randy? There is no us."
"Have you ever thought about there being an us again?"
I didn't know what to say. Part of me thought about it all the time, but the other part was level headed and reminded me that I had worked hard to get where I was and that I couldn't get distracted by foolish things like love right now.
"I don't know, I guess. It's been a really long time, Randy..." I trailed off as he moved closer to me on the couch. He was so close right now; I could smell his expensive cologne.
"I think we should try again," he whispered as his lips gently brushed against my ear. "I'm sorry for being such an asshole to you when we were dating. These last few weeks with you and Caden have been amazing...I want another chance, Sara."
