Presence

Chapter Three

Make the Wind by Super Duper

"So, you play any sports?" Shadow asked me. We'd, or rather Shadow, had decided not to return to the table, but instead walk around the school.

I shook my head, still perplexed that this cute guy actually wanted to talk to me.

"I play football. Although I'm not that great. Much better at sitting and watching. Couple of my friends, D20 and D4, are on the team too."

I nodded. I didn't know much about football or any other sport. I was more into gaming. I was able to release all my pent up emotions that way. "What grade are you in?" I asked.

"I'm a junior. I'm guessing you're a frosh like your friend?"

I nodded again.

It was silent for a moment before Shadow posed another question, "So, who beat you up? I can go get them back for you."

I giggled a little at his offer before I answered. "He's just another freshman. He's kinda always had it out for me, I guess."

"Even better. Makes it easier for me to teach him a lesson. Lead me to him."

"You really don't have to Shadow."

"I want to."

"Really," I stopped and stared at him, trying to convey my feelings through my gaze. "I don't need you to protect me. It will just make it worse if you do."

"How? Why the hell are they bullying you?"

I looked down and dug my toe into a crack in the concrete. I felt the tears form in my eyes as I waited for him to yell at me for not talking. Instead, his calm voice pierced my web of sadness.

"You don't have to tell me G. I understand."

As much as I wanted to believe that he did, I couldn't. How could he understand the pain I'd endured? The sadness I'd had to live with for years. Waking up everyday and feeling too sad to leave my bed or make contact with any other human. No one else could understand that. So, I distanced myself.

"No."

"No what?" Shadow asked.

"No, you don't understand." I felt myself retreating back into my shell. My chest tightened and my face reddened as I forced myself to speak. "Just leave me alone."

The words came out louder than expected and a couple girls who were passing paused to gaze at us curiously. I didn't look at Shadow as I left him. I couldn't bear it to be sucked into his eyes.

He didn't call after me. I hadn't expected him to. It was a strange feeling to have wanted him to, while at the same time not knowing what I would have done if he had.

I reached the campus fence and threw my bag over. I clamored over the feeble gate and retrieved my bag before sprinting towards the path leading to my house. I slowed to dig my phone out from my backpack along with a pair of earbuds. The phone slipped through my fingers and hit the sidewalk hard. I looked at my hands and noticed that they were trembling with such violence that I wouldn't have been able to hold a pencil if I had wanted to.

I reached for my phone and clicked the lock button. Nothing. I stuffed it in my pocket and dug my fingernails into my palms, silently cursing myself for not remembering my nervous tremble. I felt warm blood flow from the spots where my fingers dug into my hands and I dug them in deeper, enjoying the physical pain that distracted me from the conflict raging in my mind.

Shadow, this guy that I'd only just met, seemed to care about me. He wanted to help me, to protect me. Why had I pushed him away? As I pondered my original thoughts, I began to realize that I hadn't really thought my reaction through.

I was too scared that no one could care for me or help me that I hadn't even given him the chance.

I finally reached my house and opened the door to the silent emptiness. I took advantage of the vacant house to retreat to the bathroom and drag a blade across my wrist twice. Once for letting myself be beat up. Once for pushing Shadow away. Silent punishments for things I shouldn't have done.

I rinsed my wrists and then went to attempt to amend at least one of the wrongs. I ruffled around in my desk drawer, looking for Side's number, my cell phone now a useless hunk of glass and plastic.

He picked up on the third ring.

"G!" He yelled into the phone and I pulled it away from my ear instinctively. "What happened? Why aren't you still at school? You were supposed to be in my P.E. class."

"I'm sorry, Side. Something happened and I had to go." I paused and gathered myself before I spoke again. "Side, I need to ask you a favor."

"Okay. What is it?"

"Can you give Shadow this number and ask him to call me? I need to talk to him."

"Shadow?" Side asked me.

"Yeah. He was one of the guys at the lunch table. He left right after I did."

"The one with the hat?"

"Yeah, that's him."

"Sure, but I'm coming over as soon as school's out so you can tell me everything that happened."

"Fine," I agreed, actually kind of glad he had offered to come over. I could use the company, especially if my apology to Shadow went south.

"See you in an hour or so," Side said happily and hung up. I returned the phone to the receiver and pulled Of Mice and Men from my backpack. I made myself comfortable among the pillows of my bed and then held the book to my nose, inhaling deeply. I loved the smell of old books and, rather than finding them annoying, I enjoyed reading the notes and words scribbled in the margins. It made the book feel used and important. I began to read, and was soon deeply engaged by the story of George and slightly slow Lennie, who only wanted rabbits.