Presence

Chapter Nine

Rico Acid by Emily Blue

Shadow took me back to his house that night. We cuddled together on his bed, my face nestled into his chest. I guess I fell asleep because I awoke without the warmth of his body beside mine. I heard flowing water coming from behind a door opposite the bed so I stumbled, groggily, over to it and looked inside. Shadow was in the shower, and my first instinct was to immediately shut the door and run away from embarrassment, but then I saw the scars on his back. They were tinged red from the heat of the water and they looked deep and broad.

I closed the door quietly and slipped back into Shadow's bed. I couldn't sleep with the knowledge that he'd gone through all that pain, no matter how long ago it had been. He emerged from the bathroom five minutes later and saw that I was awake. He smiled gently and sat down beside me.

"How'd you sleep, babe," he asked me softly.

"Good, I guess. I'm so sorry Shadow. I didn't know what was happening," a tear trickled down my cheek, but Shadow wiped it away with his thumb.

"I know baby. It's not your fault. I just didn't think D4 was capable of doing something like that to you. I knew he wasn't the greatest guy, but I thought he had more class than to betray his friend. I'm sorry I didn't stay with you."

"It's not your fault, it's mine. I don't know why I didn't try to stop him. I just wasn't thinking properly," I said, holding back the tears that were fighting to escape my eyes.

Shadow hugged me tighter. "I don't blame you."

We stayed like that for a while before Shadow got up and pulled open a drawer, taking out a shirt.

"Here. You're still in your nice shirt. This will be more comfortable."

My heart pounded at the sight for the short sleeved t-shirt.

"No, I'm okay really."

"Come on. You'll wrinkle your nice shirt. My mom always got pissed at me when I didn't care about my church clothes."

"Really Shadow. It's not that nice of a shirt." I sank into the covers more, trying to hide from the situation.

Shadow's face fell suddenly as he remembered why I never wore short sleeve clothes to school.

He placed the shirt on the bed beside me and then crawled onto it. He looked into my eyes and I searched his warily. He put his hand on my left bicep and slowly moved his hand down to my forearm. I could feel his thumb pressing against one of my fresh cuts and my hand flicked involuntarily. Shadow's eyes never wavered from mine. His other hand gripped my wrist and he undid the button on my shirt cuff. Gently, he pulled back my sleeve and only then did he look down at the carnage.

I looked down at my forearm as well. It had been so long since I'd really looked at it. It was crisscrossed with mostly healed lines, but the new ones stood out stark against the old. They were less deep than some of the last ones I had inflicted years ago, solely because it hurt less the more often I did it.

Shadow rolled down my sleeve without looking at me. He stood up and disappeared into his bathroom. When he emerged again, he was holding neosporin, gauze pads and gauze. After setting them down on his side table, he sat on the bed once again. He still hadn't looked at me. Shadow put his hands on my chest and then began to undo my buttons one by one, slowly. Once he was done, he pulled my shirt off in one smooth motion, like he'd done it countless times before. I was sure he had.

He ran his index finger down the center of my sternum, down my relatively flat and unattractive stomach and stopped millimeters from my pants. I took in my breath sharply.

He took my right wrist and ran his finger along the single vertical scar there. I wondered what he thought of my half hearted attempt. I couldn't even kill myself properly. Then he moved to my left wrist and traced every single scar. He retrieved the dressings and began to cover up my newer cuts. He wrapped my entire arm tightly in gauze and tied it off. Then he planted a kiss over the knot of gauze, then on my inner elbow, then my neck, then my mouth.

Fuck. He was so perfect.