Stop thinking 2jae// Sope

Ch.7

3rd Person POV

It was back in Highschool when Youngjae had his first panic attack.
He was laying on his bed thinking about literally everything. His head was getting louder and louder. It wasn't like he wanted it. He always tried to stop himself from thinking too much but whenever one thought was there a 100 more followed.

Youngjae was very good in hiding. He was even better in pretending being fine. He just had to put on one of his brightly smiles and no one had any worries anymore. 
It was easy.
It wasn't like Youngjae wanted attention anyway. The only thing he wanted was to stop thinking.

His first panic attack had happen and the younger was more then overwhelmed with the whole situation. His hand was crunching the shirt over his chest. His breathing got heavier and unsteady.
Whether then calming down his thought got even louder.
What to do? Should I call my mom? But why is my voice not coming out? I need help. Why isn't anyone helping me?

The next thing the young boy saw was a worried Jaebum over him. He smiled. The older was hella relieved.
The next thing was his mother. She rushed into the room and immediately pulled her son into a tight hug.

"You're finally awake." She mumbled and Youngjae felt his shoulder getting wet.

"Mom... don't cry."

"Shh. I'm getting the doctor." She said and was gone.
Youngjaes father wasn't there because he was currently working.
But the others were there. All of them.
They all looked at him. Not judging or anything. They all were just so relieved.
This was the first time anything serious had happened to one of them and it was Youngjae. The one no one had to worry about. Well, up until now.

The boy looked at his friends and a shot of guilt flushed through his body. Tears were building in his eyes. His breath was getting heavy again and his chest was hurting.
Jaebum was the first one to catch the change. He immediately got up from his seat and hugged the younger.
A hug full of love and worry.

"Everything's alright, Sunshine." He whispered. He made sure that it was quiet enough that just the two of them could hear it.

"No one is mad at you. Stop thinking for now."
He pulled back from their hug and instead laid his hands on Youngjaes shoulders. He looked him in the eyes and smiled. Slowly he removed his hand from his shoulder and carefully caressed the younger cheek. With his thumb he brushed the tears away.

"We're here for you. I am here for you, okay?"
Youngjae only nodded.
They couldn't exchange more words because his mom came back into the room. A doctor behind her.
They were making some checks before the younger could finally go back home.

It was the first time but definitely not the last time.
It was getting worse from time to time.
Youngjae knew this.
Whenever his heart was beating too fast again and his head was getting too loud again, he would call Jaebum.
The elder didn't exactly knew what to do beside listing to the younger words.
It took the younger two years before he got professional help. His mother didn't want to force him that's why she waited.

She was so relieved when her son left his room and hugged her while crying his heart out. Saying that he doesn't want this anymore. That he's tired of all this.

It helped. Youngjae learned techniques to stop himself from over thinking too much. He knew how to deal with people again. He learned that not everything was his fault.
He was sure that he was getting better. He even started some relationships but of course they didn't last long.
He didn't really cared. It's not like he loved these girls endlessly. He liked them but the main reason he stayed with them was because he doesn't want to be lonely.
Don't get him wrong.
Being alone is the best thing ever. But being lonely is a whole different thing.

The only thing that Youngjae never wanted to lose was the friendship with his group.
But thing don't work like you want them to work.
After their school time things changed. Every single one of them wasn't so carefree anymore. They had thing to deal with. Everyone had individuell things. They contacted each other only a few times until it stopped completely.

Jaebum and Mark had to work.
Jinyoung, Yugyeom, Bambam and Youngjae himself visted university. Yugyeom and Bambam got on a different one than the other two.
And Jackson was building his own fencing school with his family.
They were all just too busy to meet up.

It was until Youngjae had a panic attack again. Only Jaebum knew about this. Up until now they didn't told the others about this.
The younger called him out of a habit. It wasn't that bad. Well at least he doesn't had to go to a hospital again.
They spoke for almost the whole night that day.
Jaebum again realised how much in love he was with his younger friend. It was honestly frustrating.

After that it got better.
They all started to get used to their new schedule. They knew when they could make some time and they always made some time even when it was rare.
They all pleasured their time together.

Well, that was until things got complicated again.
Now that they were sitting in a circle playing some stupid game while being drunk... nothing more serious then Jaebum outing could happen, right?