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dear jason,
i know i must move on.
i know i must find a way to get over you . . .
but how?
how could i get over the best thing that ever happened to me?
how could i ever get over the one who was once responsible for my happiness and completeness? the one who brought out the side of me i never knew existed.
everyone acts like they're doing fine, but in reality, we all miss you.
i see the way bruce shuts his eyes and sighs with exhaustion, i see the guilt he carries on his broad shoulders. the guilt of not being the father he should have been, of not properly showing his love towards you.
he loves you, jay. he always loved you. he just lacked in showing it.
i see the way alfred wears a slight frown now, almost unnoticeable if you don't focus on his features.
dick recently moved out of gotham, your death affected him as well, he's in blüdhaven now. he's still the same old dick, cracking his jokes and being the one to light up an entire room but there's something else i noticed. a certain shadow that lingers, a shadow i can see even when he flashes his brightest grin. there's a reason why he moved, trying to forget the terrible tragedy.
i think your death broke him.
it made him feel like he failed being the big brother he felt he should have been. he felt responsible for not being closer to you and he still thinks that maybe if he had just accepted you you wouldn't have to have tried so hard to fit in.
he regretted the way he treated you and he wished he could take it back . . . he thinks of making things right again when you're already gone. when it's too late.
why?
why do we think of fixing things when it's already too late? when there's no way of actually mending the wounds we inflict on others?
why do we regret what we do instead of making it up when we still have the chance to?
i have so many questions with no answers to satisfy.
all i can do is tell you that i'm sorry.
two words that sound so pathetic and weak, but they're the only ones close enough to describe how i feel.
i'm sorry you felt like an outcast and how you couldn't fit in.
i'm sorry you felt like you weren't good enough to belong. you were full of such greatness that no one could handle it. you were always more than enough. always.
you were a hero, jason.
and you will always be remembered as one.
and even if everyone did not think you took on the role of robin as well as dick had when he first started, i'd like you to know this.
you were always the perfect robin to me.
you were always my robin.
and that's how it will always be.
yours beloved, emma
a/n: sorry it's been a while since i updated i just started to overthink it all again but i hope you enjoy this <3
