My Little Angel

Chapter 7

Chapter 7

~Dean's P.O.V~

It's been a month or so since Cas kissed me and I miss those lips. Every time he comes around it hurts even more than it did before, sometimes I don't feel like I can't handle it anymore. I've never felt this way with anyone and this new feeling is so overwhelming it has almost put me into a state of depression. I'm usually good with pushing down how I really feel but I cannot this time. It keeps eating at my mind the more I push it away the more intense it gets. Lucky it's only a mind thing. It hasn't effected my body or personality, yet. It's like I'm drowning and sometimes I wish I was. It would put my heart and mind out of misery which would be nice but it would cause pain for the ones that love me, if there is any at all.

Sam has been leaving a lot to see Gabriel. I don't know why he's been spending like every waking second with the angel. So that means I'm alone with only myself and my thoughts. I would be fine with this only if my mind wasn't planing on destroying me. I have to live in my own personally hell, a place where nobody can save me. I have no angel gripping me tight trying to save my sorry ass. I have no one. My mind is pulling me apart piece by piece, but what makes it worse is I've been having the same damn dream every night. Over and over again. Everything I love is gone no matter what I do they all die, I can't save them. All the people that I was every close with in the past have been hurt or killed and I can't let that happen anymore. It's their lives or mine. I think I have to do it, for Cas and Sam and even Gabriel I can't see them get hurt or die because of me. I'm not wroth anybodies life.

Tonight will be a good night to do it. Nobody's around no good byes. I get out two pieces of paper, one for Sam and Gabriel, and one for Castiel. Oh Cas, my little angel how I'll miss you. I write both notes, my goodbyes.

My brother's and Gabriel's.

Sammy I'm so sorry I just can't put up with the world anymore. It's not going to be like the other times that I've died, I'm not coming back this time and that mean I don't want you saving me. Please don't it would only kill me again. I love you Sam and don't you forget that. And Sammy go live a normal life, go back to school, fall in love.
Gabriel please take care of Sam don't let him do something stupid and make sure I won't be seeing him soon. I don't know how Cas will take this but watch out for him too. Gabriel I've grown to like you man and you are truly family to me and I'm sorry I never got around to tell you that. Sorry but bye.
-Dean

Next I write Castiel's. I tell him that I'm sorry for everything that I've done to him and that I'm sorry that I was a coward for going out this way. I tell him about the dream and I can't save everyone and I know what he would have said to me. Cas would've told me that I was only human and I can't save everybody and it's not my job to rescue everyone. A tear falls from my eye and lands on the paper as I try to write the next part. I tell my angel that I love him and I am sorry for not saying anything and leaving it to my death to be able to say it. But what's more shameful is that I had to write it on paper and that I didn't say it to Castiel's face. The face that gives me hope, a reason to keep on going. Without any thought I start pleading to the angel.

"Cas, I need you. Please. If you are listening right now, I need to talk to you. I need you here, with me. Cas." I'm waiting for the flap of his wings but I don't hear them. He doesn't even care he was my last hope! I wait a little longer but after ten minutes he is still a no show. He did this to me! Fucked with my emotions and left me like everyone else! I pick up the angel blade, cause I don't want to be saved this time, and I stab it into my stomach. "Cas." I say his name in a whispery cry. The time I need him most and he's not here.

I don't know if it's because I'm dying but I hear the sounds of wings and right after that the most beautiful voice. It can't be him, he doesn't care.

"Sorry I didn't come right when you called Dean" he hasn't walked into the room I was dying in "I just thought you'd like something. So I got you some...pie." Castiel walks in while saying 'pie' then drops it. In the time that it takes for the pie to hit the ground Cas is in tears.

"Cas?" Oh god this is going to be my last word, my last sight, my last moment. I've disappointed him, let him down and the sadness fills his eyes. I know I'm dying but I could not live with myself. I did this to him, it hurts me to know that I did this to Cas. It's my fault for the tears in his eyes.

"Dean what have you done? Look at you! I can't save you, I can't. You're going to die. No you can't!" Castiel is looking into my eyes which are watery now and I can't bare the guilt. His eyes no longer have the sparkle in them, the blue slowly fades away as Cas watches me do the same.

"Cas?"

"Yes?" He says while wiping away the tears from his face.

"I-I love y-you" I give him a sad smile as I finish speaking.

Castiel puts his lips on mine. Even tho I'm like half dead, the kiss had lots of emotion in it. It told me what words could not explain, the love that Cas has for me not just as a friend but more. He loved me and he cared. The meaningful kiss sends all the hope that I had lost, back into full swing. I can't die knowing that my love is waiting for me to be his.

"Cas, you have to get me to a hospital" I feel him pick me up then we were at some hospital. Castiel stares down at me, worried.

"I have to take the blade out of you but it's going to hurt a lot so I'm going to put you to sleep okay?" I nod and he puts his fingers to my forehead and as the place goes black I can hear Cas in the background "Don't forget I love you as well." And I was out with no more pain. A blissful sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Word Count
Chapter:1216
The book so far:7189