A Malec Story

Chapter 88: Proposal

Alec

Alec had no idea what time it was when he woke up. Still the middle of the night, judging by the glimpse of dark sky he saw through the window. He didn't feel well rested at all, but he was awake now. It was very quiet in the apartment. So quiet that he wondered if Magnus and the baby were still there.

He sat up and blinked against the darkness. He noticed the shadowy silhouette of his boyfriend sitting next to the crib, lost in thought, so it seemed. He remembered how distraught Magnus had looked that evening. A nagging feeling crept up on him. What was wrong?

He realized they hadn't talked. Not really. Maybe it was time for that now. He scrambled off the bed and touched Magnus's shoulder. Magnus looked up at him, a weary expression on his face, and he seemed upset too. It made Alec's heart ache.

"If you thought I was asking you to keep the baby," Magnus said softly. "I wasn't."

Alec stared at him, not really knowing what to say. What did Magnus mean? He felt scared, suddenly. Didn't Magnus want to keep the baby? Alec realized he never considered that for a second.

"You're . . . still really young," Magnus said. "I'm sorry if sometimes it seems as if I do not remember that. It's strange to me—being immortal means both being young and being old are strange to me. I know I must seem strange to you sometimes."

"You do," Alec replied softly. He loved him so, his beautiful warlock boyfriend with his strange immortality and his magic, his temper, his joy. He leaned down and kissed him softly on his lips. "And I never want anything but this. I never want a less strange love."

"But you don't have to be scared I would ever leave you," said Magnus. "You don't have to be scared of what will happen to the baby or that I will be hurt because the baby—is a warlock, and was not wanted. You do not have to feel trapped. You do not have to be scared, and you do not have to do this."

Oh Magnus. I'm not trapped , Alec thought. He wondered how he could make that clear. He knelt down in front of him and looked up into his boyfriend's eyes. It was time for a speech.

"What if I want to?" he asked. "I'm a Shadowhunter. We marry young, and we have children young, because we might die young, because we want to do our duty to the world and have all the love in the world we can. I used to . . ."

He paused for a second, searching for the right words. "I used to think I could never do that, never have that. I used to feel trapped. I don't feel trapped now. I could never ask you to live in an Institute, and I don't want to. I want to stay in New York, with you, and with Lily and Maia. I want to keep doing what we're doing. I want Jace to run the Institute after my mother, and I want to work with him. I want to be part of the connection between the Institute and Downworlders."

He was quiet for a second, looking up at Magnus who was listening to him intently. "For so long I thought I could never have any of the things I wanted, except that I could maybe keep Jace and Isabelle safe. I thought I could have their backs in a fight. Now I have more and more people I care about, and . . . I want everyone I care about—I want people I don't even know, I want all of us—to know we have each other's backs so we do not have to fight alone. I am not trapped. I'm happy. I am exactly where I want to be. I know what I want, and I have the life I want. I'm not scared of any of the things you said."

Magnus's eyes were shining as he looked down on him. "What are you scared of, then?" he asked softly.

"Do you remember Mom suggesting calling the baby Max?" Magnus nodded and Alec explained to him how it was for him, a long time ago to have a baby brother. To take care of him. To feel responsible for him. And to know that Max liked Jace better. How he'd always felt jealous about that. And how guilty he felt after Max died. "It was stupid and petty to be jealous," he closed his argument.