Boys Don't Have Diarys. Well, I Do {Frerard}

A new look

Gerard's pov.
(What? Oh yeah new person. I was in a bad mood writing this, so trigger warning. Suicidal thoughts and mentions of abuse.)

*also there's a antagonist of the story like most but I'm not gonna make Bert the bad guy so random name of the bad guy, Luke.*

I went into the coffee shop earlier just to get a coffee and to calm down a little because today wasn't the best day at school. Some guys came over and started yelling at me telling me stuff about my sexuality and my disorders. It's not my fault. But it's okay now because I have coffee and I can get away for a while. I don't look around because no one is interesting anymore. And when they are it's usually not in the good ways. But all of a sudden I get a text which is weird unless it's from my mom because I'm dangerous like that (same though)

I look at my phone and see its a message from Luke. It's very threatening, I just hope he's not drunk again. He's a really good guy I promise, just not when he has a little to much to drink. I quickly get all my stuff together and leave the small shop. I get my phone and ask him if he wants me to go over to his house.

From Luke 💕: bitcxh ig ur nut her in 5bminuets I'm keeoing yourr oills

So yeah I guess I need to go over to his place. Sometimes he keeps my pills. But it's okay he doesn't always do that. He really is a sweet guy. I just wish he wouldn't drink so much because then he gets kinda mean. I walk towards his house and while doing so I keep my head down and pull my hood up. He doesn't live far but he lives alone because he's in college and his parents pay for his apartment as long as he's still in school and gets a job. He's still in school but he doesn't go to all his classes honestly.

Eventually I get to his house and knock on the wooden door waiting for him to answer. When he does he have a bottle of vodka in on hand while using the other to hold himself up against the door in attempt to not fall. "It t, it took you to long. I'm gonna. Gonna. I'm gonna keep you're pills." Luke says as his words slur together. I visibly flinch at the amount of how intoxicated he is knowing its not gonna be a good night. "But baby I really need my pills. Please, w-we can do something else if you want." He looks at me with a disgusted face. "What are you saying. A little whore like you doesn't get to chose what you get to keep. I'm gonna keep your pills and I'm gonna punish you for going out with someone else." With how drunk he is it's surprising how clearly he's speaking. "Luke I wasn't with anyone, you said I could go get coffee. I went alone because you said I could." He looked at me and stumbled back inside and I followed him. I saw my pills on the coffee table, I debated whether or not to take them but Luke might notice and that wouldn't be good.

"I bet you were out with someone. You know your pretty little whore mouth is only mine. I think I should punish you Gerard for being so bad. So no pills, your not going out anywhere but home and school, and later tonight we're going to the bedroom so I can teach you why it's not okay for other people to use you. Your mine. No one else wants you, shit I barely want you why do you think I get drunk so much." I just stand there awkwardly putting all my weight on one legs and occasionally switch, trying not to listen to the alcohol covered words spilling out of his mouth. A tear falls down my cheek. Luke turns around to look at me. A clear bottle whizzes past my face and breaks on the wall behind me. "Shit I missed. Stop your crying. You deserve it." I wipe my eyes and nod.
"I'm out of booze." I just look at him not sure what to do. He grabs my wrist and pulls me towards his bedroom. I start crying again because I don't want to do anything. He throws me on the bed and looks at me. I look at him still uncontrollably crying while he just laughs. "Your such a pussy Gerard. I guess we won't do anything tonight but tomorrow I won't be as nice." Then his hand collided with my face. "But I told you to stop crying. When I tell you something I expect you to listen bitch." Then Luke flops onto the bed and very quickly passed out. I leave the room and go into the bathroom.

After at least a half an hour of sitting on the floor crying I rummage through the drawers and find s razor blade. I could end it all right now and be done. My mother doesn't care, Luke would be happy so then he could go find someone else to be with, the bullies at school would be happy I finally listened. I finally did it. Death isn't that scary anymore. Sometimes it seems like it would be a nice way out. Out if this misery and out of everyone's life forever. Death is a sweet drink everyone drinks eventually. Until we finish we just take little sips. But my drink seems good. I crave the drink and I have no way to fulfill my cravings without ending everything. But I don't think this is how I want to go. Not today. Not tonight. I can try for at least another night. Until then I'm taking my antidepressants and going home.

*again I'm sorry for this, it will get better*