Disguised as a Nerd | BTS fanfiction COMPLETE

Chapter 24: Decision

Chaerin's POV

What? Me? Jealous?

But the next words he said literally made me freeze in my spot.

"You're jealous...because you love him."

I love him?

I felt like I wanted to cry again. Jimin was right...I did start to harbor some feelings for Taehyung. I hugged Jimin tight as I cried.

Then I quickly pulled away and looked at him. I saw how tears quickly builded up in his eyes.

I felt hurt more for him now.

"J-Jimin..." I reached my hand out to wipe away the tears that escaped his eyes. But he held my hands, stopping me.

"...Chaerin... It is fine." he forced a smile. A wobbly and pained one.

I shook my head. "No it isn't. How can you say that it is?".

He sighed and let go of my hand. But then he started chuckling like a psycho as he wipes his ears away. Then he shoved his hands in his pockets and started talking though he was not looking at me.

I can tell that he cannot bear to look at me.

And it pains me to see him like this.

"Why did I even hope that you would like a playboy like me? A playboy who planned to break your heart on the first place..."

I ran out of words to say. I was speechless.

"Why did I continue to hope when I already had the answers? You won't be able to like me back. The way you look at Taehyung is the complete opposite on how you look at me. You look at me like a very special friend... But when you look at him, there is this strange and unique sparkle in your eyes. Your smiles are always sweeter and genuine when it is him you are smiling about. You laugh better, you talk better... Maybe this is my karma for messing up with girls feelings before."

"Jimin oppa..."

He turned to me and struggled to force a smile again. "Chaerin, I love you. I love you so bad that I feared to give up. I love you so bad that I feared... This day would come. I love you so bad... But I don't regret a single bit."

I cannot stop the tears from running down my face once more.

"I don't regret a single bit of loving you because I believe it is the best I have ever done. And I won't love anyone else the same way I love you."

"I'm really sorry oppa," I cried. "I-I am so, so, sorry. I-If only I can change m-my f-feelings and... L-love you instead! I am sorry! I never wanted to... T-To hurt y-you."

"Ssshhh.." he pulled me into a hug. A soft and gentle one. But very, very painful. He gently caressed my back to calm my down.

"I-I'm sorry..." I croaked out.

"...you don't have to be," he whispered in my ear. "This is my own karma."

I pulled away from him and saw him in tears again.

"Oppa... I am sorry. I-If only I can change m-my f-feelimgs," I repeated as I wiped my tears away. "...I am such a fool to love a man who does not love me back."

His brows raised and he held me by both of my shoulders.

"How are you sure he does not love you back if you won't talk to him?"

"So stop ignoring him and confess. He is just playing hard to get. He is a sissy so go man up for him."

I slightly frowned. I don't get how he is still managing to joke when he is badly hurt emotionally.