Secrets Cause Silence ✓ [Secrets Book 2]

[Chapter Three]

                  Cover up with makeup in the mirror
            tell yourself, it's never gonna happen again
         You cry alone and then he swears he loves you.

       Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
       Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
 Well, I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's gon' to end
      as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.

                 Face Down: The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Chapter Three

Than and I had been a little rocky. He’s now twenty one and I’m only sixteen so when he brought up sex I just said no. I was uncomfortable with the idea of sleeping with him and being intimate. I told him I wanted to wait until I was married and at first he seemed to really respect that but as time went on he got more irritated at my refusal to do it.

He would get pissed and say I didn’t love him, that If I did I wouldn’t mind being with him. I told him if he loved me he would marry me first and that’s where we stood. I wasn’t backing down. Our one year was coming up soon and I was excited. We were going into the city.

We were going to go to the space needle, have dinner, go on the Ferris wheel and during the day we were going to roam around pikes place and go to the original Starbucks, a true Seattle day.

The whole day he was so sweet, he bought me all these things at the places we went and we talked about my birthday that was only a couple months away now.

I was excited to turn seventeen and while I wouldn’t have a birthday party because I didn’t have friends; he was taking me to dinner wherever I wanted. The night ended with us cuddled up riding the Ferris wheel and then he surprised me by booking a hotel in the heart of Seattle.

I thought we would go home since we didn’t live far but it was nice and we changed to go swimming, I loved to swim. He splashed around with me and we snuggled up in the hot tub. It was a great anniversary.

When we went upstairs again there was a bubble bath ran in the tub with flower petals

“Happy anniversary baby.” He kissed me and I was shy about being fully naked in front of him but I took off my bathing suit and got in anyway. I mean we’ve been together a year, I shouldn’t be shy about it.

He poured some wine, something I shouldn’t be drinking since I’m underage, but I accepted the glass anyway. We stayed in until the water got cold and when we stood up I felt a little light headed.

“You okay?” he asked concerned

“Yeah, just dizzy.” I smiled and stepped out. I slipped and giggled

“Are you drunk?” he asked and I shrugged my shoulders

“I don’t know, am I?” I laughed at his shocked expression

“You had not even a full glass, how are you drunk?” he asked and I shrugged again.

“I don’t know. I feel happy.” I told him and I did. Everything was lighter now. He got out and picked me up and brought me to bed. He shut the lights off and got in with me. When he kissed me goodnight I kissed him back, not even caring tonight that I was still naked.

He slid his tongue in my mouth and he touched my breasts for the first time and I pulled back

“Than.” I sighed but he kissed me again and climbed on top of me. when I put my hands on his chest to push him off he pinned them down by my head and smiled at me

“I love you baby girl and I’ve been waiting to be with you for so long.” He touched my face tenderly and then I felt him against a place I didn’t want him to be, especially with no clothes on

“Than I said no, I’m not ready.” But he didn’t listen. His eyes darkened as he kissed me forcefully

“It will only hurt a minute and I promise it get’s better.” he kissed me again and applied pressure

“Than no.” I tried to say but he didn’t listen.

It was painful, more than I thought it would be and I cried not just in pain but because of what just happened. I told him no but he wouldn’t listen and now when I looked back on this day I wouldn’t smile and remember how much fun we had, I would feel an emptiness in my soul

The pictures and little souvenirs would be painful reminders of the night I lost my virginity and the first night that he did this. Even then I knew it wouldn’t be the first time.

After he held me with a smile on his face while I silently cried and he told me how much he loved me and how happy he was to finally be able to make love to me. He had to be delusional.

The next day while he was at work I went to the hospital, had them do what they needed to do. I got a plan B pill and birth control.

He may have taken the thing I held most dear away but I wouldn’t let him define my life like that with a baby.

That was the day I knew that I was in love with a monster and that I needed to start finding a way out.

I tried my parents and my dad slapped me for saying he would do such a thing and told me to keep my mouth shut, so I did.

No one was going to help me now. 

See short, we're already through the first year but the rest of the chapters the abuse gets more and other bad things happen.

its enough to give an idea of what happened but i didn't want to go too fully into detail about it. and i know that it goes back a forth from her loving him to not and i know it can seem confusing but that's the point, she's confused

Personally, i'm on Team Kill Than