Secrets Cause Silence ✓ [Secrets Book 2]

[Chapter Nine]

               No, you don't know what it's like

                        When nothing feels all right

                 You don't know what it's like

                              To be like me

                          To be hurt

                           To feel lost

                  be left out in the dark

              To be kicked when you're down

         To feel like you've been pushed around

           To be on the edge of breaking down

              And no one's there to save you

               No, you don't know what it's like

                          Welcome to my life

             Welcome To My Life: Simple Plan

Chapter Nine

As the months went by all signs of who he used to be kept fading away. He used to tell me he was sorry and he would never hurt me again, he would hold me and even if it made me sick I would let him because in those times I knew that he didn't want to hurt me. In those moments I knew he was saying sorry and for that hour or day he would do anything to make it up to me and I wouldn't have to worry.

They used to be weekly but then it came longer and longer until I could relish in those moments. He brought the other guy in less so I would be forced to deal with Than, Lucas and Jason

Those times became even more brutal. Than would start just letting them come in and when they were on their own I hated it more then when they were together.

At least they would keep it from going too far and even though it was for their own selfishness in not wanting me to beat up it would at least help; but when it was one on one it was like there were no rules. There was no one to stop them and I gave up hope long ago on anyone caring enough to help me.

The nurses at the hospital were starting to recognize me and they would just give me these looks of pity. I proved I knew how to bandage myself up so when I could I had them do it because it made me sick to have to do stitches myself.

It took a while to figure out the least painful way and the first time I did it, it got infected but now, now I could do it no problem I just got squeamish about it.

I had lost sight on everything I had been planning and I got so deep in all of this, and the wedding and I was drowning in my own blood, sometimes I wanted to beg for him to just finish it all and kill me but I never did because deep down I didn't want to die, I just wanted it to end.

The nurses begged me to leave, some even told me they would take me in or they told me about a battered women's shelter but the one time I tried to take them up on that he found out and I couldn't move out of bed for three days because I was too sore and the cuts were so deep.

I don't know how he found out but after that I had to stop going to the hospital because he was keeping a closer eye on me. He was dead set on not letting me go and I know why.

If I left, I may talk about it and even if he could get out of it people would still hear about it and he couldn't afford that. I wished I just pushed on that, he knew my weaknesses and I knew his.

The difference was he was a heartless monster and I was still afraid.

Over a year of him telling me how he could get away from it scared me. He would sit me down and he seemed to know my every thought.

He would say something I would tell police and then think of how he would get out of it, when he could think of other problems that could go wrong he would adapt. He thought it through in so much detail I knew he was an absolute psycho.

That's why he became a criminal defense lawyer, his father took on the ones he believed to be innocent and Than took on the rest.

I think he got a sick satisfaction out of the way those people would hurt, kill or torture people. I wouldn't be surprised if he used those stories to do what he did to me.

I was glad that no one at the hospital could call the police because I've gone to some of his cases and while he was very young he learned young too and I would see the twisted smile he would get when someone got off for a crime they committed.

He would even sit there and tell me, in detail about some of the things he had heard to watch my face pale or to watch me throw up because it was so sickening.

I don't know how It got to this, I thought that my parents were horrible but this is a whole new level of twisted. The most twisted part was that he could sweet talk his thing out of anything. He was so charming and so if they asked him he could just lie his way out of it.

I just wanted to get out and at this rate I would be stuck with him until death do us part, much to my misery.