Secrets Cause Silence ✓ [Secrets Book 2]

[Chapter Six]

            “But even when I stop crying,
                   even when we fall asleep
                   and I'm nestled in his arms,
                            this will leave another scar.
                                No one will see it.
                                        None will know.
                                       But it will be there.
          And eventually all of the scars will have scars,
                          and that's all I'll be--
             one big scar of a love gone wrong.”

                                                ― Amanda Grace,

Chapter Six

I tried, I tried so damn hard to be good but it was never good enough. I did everything he asked and he would hurt me just because. After that night I never knew when the knife would come back out but he was growing a fondness to it. It was sick.

The look of satisfaction he would have on his face when he saw my blood spilling onto the ground was sick. Every single time he would call me honey, I don’t know why he changed from baby to honey but it made it worse that he would use the sweet nickname while he did that to me.

For the next month he would sporadically bring back his friends and each time I would do what I did before, beg for them not to and suffer the blows while I kept my eyes shut until they left and repeat the process of what I did with the hospital.

I learned to bandage my cuts up so Than wouldn’t get pissed off with someone finding out and I could get the bleeding to stop.

Sometimes he was the person I had originally loved but he would snap so fast and I didn’t know why. Some nights he would come home with flowers and he would keep things PG as we watched movies on the couch.

I played along and relished in those times, even though I was on edge if I kept quiet or good enough we would just head to bed and go to sleep. He would hold me all night and sometimes I preferred him drunk so I didn’t have to be near him while I slept.

I hated lying awake not being able to have my space or feel safe. His arms used to bring me a feeling of home and safely and love, now they only bring pain and bad memories.

Than had to know how I felt by how distant I had been and he would look at me like he was trying to find a solution, I hoped he didn’t because things were never good for me when Than got his way.

It was an event my parents forced me to attend when I was standing around making polite conversation with people. Since I was little I was coached to remember the important people and so I made sure to ask about their pet or family and how life was.

I was walking to get alcohol since no one cared here when Than came up to me and wrapped an arm around me. He got the attention of the entire room before sending me a smirk only I would know the meaning behind as he got down on one knee.

My heart beat uncomfortable at what I knew would follow. He gave a speech about how much he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He talked about the good times early in our relationship and faked some from later. He presented a ring and asked me to marry him saying the years with me had been the best of his life.

“Honey will you marry me.” Honey, that word.

My parents have me that looked warning me not to say no and Than was doing the same, hiding it behind a hopeful look.

I was speechless and didn’t know what to say right now, all I knew what that I couldn’t say no. He knew I couldn’t say no so I nodded my head and let the tears of dread fall from my eyes as he put the ring on knowing it would be misinterpreted for tears of joy.

I knew they were all reading my reaction wrong and people came up asking to see the ring like they actually cared.

These people were shallower than a kiddie pool and I knew the women were sizing up the ring to see if it was better than theirs while the men were thinking if they needed to go buy a bigger ring. The whole thing was sickening. My head was spinning and I felt like I would pass out.

I didn’t know if it was from this or the blood loss from earlier but either way I went to find  a seat to sit down in.

He held me close and smiled, pretending we were the perfect happy couple and I put on the fakest smile I had learned to perfect.

“You’re all mine now.” He whispered in my ear which made me momentarily freeze in fear before I put on another fake smile and took the congratulations from his father.

He was right, as his wife I was all his now and he would have total access to me, not like he did now but he would use it as an excuse to be home more to or bring me traveling with him.

He didn’t want to leave his new fiancé or wife behind.

This had gotten so much worse than I thought It would be and now I had to figure out a new plan of attack. With him being my boyfriend it made it earlier to come up with a story to leave but with being engaged so publically he knew he had trapped me.

I just hoped I wasn’t stuck forever.