Jealousy - the race and the rage (shivika FF)

10) Hurt !!!

Anika was lost in thoughts of what had happened with shivaay in the storeroom. She was distraught. She persuaded khannaji to halt the car near the road end so that she can walk to her chawl. Although khannaji protested, anika's gloomy face made khannaji to give in to her unreasonable request. Anika started walking on the lonely road. The climate just reflected her inner turmoil. Gloomy and cloudy, unsure of when there is going to be an outburst of shower. By the time she was just at the entrance of her chawl it began to rain heavily. But anika was unfazed. She didn't care what was happening around her. She was trying to survive the butchering battle which was going on within her.

She thought of all the moments she had had with shivaay in the past. The first pool scene where he almost kissed her but tossed her aside as soon as dadi called.
The way they had their hidden conversation about her not having class or brand before his marriage attempt with tia when shakti and tej were on murder charges. The way he had taunted and put down her whenever she had clashed with him just because she didnt have the Naam khoon and khandaan. The painkiller confession of shivaay where he had laid down on her lap and the excruciating proposal he did to tia on the next day . The way he had negated their moment as an accident and a mistake. She thought of how he had kissed her , cared for her and fought for her now. She also remembered how he had brushed away saying he had just comforted her ; how he had pushed her back even before anyone saw and how he had said he was her boss and she was his employee.

Although she was walking under rain, her memories and the hurt that it had caused made her feel like she is swimming in an ocean of acid. She felt beaten down. She slowly walked past the ganesha idol beneath the tree in her chawl. She stood still for a second and proceeded towards the idol. She had flashbacks of shivaay calling her family on ganesh chaturthi festival, how he had performed the puja on her saying. She also remembered how he had called her names and said she can never be a family member to him when he thought she had got dev to meet prinku. On reaching the idol , her memories were overwhelming and she stood still.

On seeing ganesha , she said "I know we never really get along well . I know U always love to make me cry. But why did u have to break my heart without even giving me a chance. First... U gave me absolutely none in this world except sahil to love. Then U made me fall in love with the guy i had no future with. Then U made me realise that i am madly in love with that guy... And finally in less than an hour from that , U made me understand that i have absolutely no chance with him and broke my heart into as many pieces as possible. What wrong did i do? Why am i being punished for no reason of mine? Atleast once can't u spare me? Why is it that u love to see me cry? Tell me... why is it that u always take the people i love away from me? Why do u enjoy me suffer? Why ? Why ? Am i undeserving for love? Would i ever get any happiness in my life? Would ... i ?" Stuttered Anika finally breaking down in the heavy downpour sitting in front of the idol. The rain hid her rushing tears but it failed to hide her broken heart . She felt her very existence aching.

Suddenly a feminine shadow with an umbrella came there which turned out to be chanda. Seeing her friend broken like that in heavy rains made her to panic expecting the worst. " Anika what happened to u?? Why are u like this?" screamed chanda shaking Anika violently. Anika still looking at the idol paid no heed for chanda's questions. Chanda with all her might dragged Anika to the auto with which she had come there and took her to her home. Chanda didn't want to leave her friend in that fragile state in her home given that sahil was also in his boarding school. She had never seen Anika in such a broken state of all the years she had known her.