Desolation

Chapter1

"Crap.", she cursed as her coffee mug slipped out of her tired hands. It was a Tuesday morning, the sun had just come up and her day was already ruined. Erin stared at the broken pieces of his favorite mug. The only thing of him she allowed herself to keep. And now that was gone too.

"That's just great. What a start to the new day." Sometimes she talked to herself out loud. Erin was sure, that that was a side effect of her loneliness and she was oddly okay with it. She didn't need to go out and socialize with her new colleagues at her forced new workplace or find new friends at a neighboring bar. In fact, she was glad that her neighbors kept to themselves. No weird questions, no mandatory invitations to dinner, no single guys hoping for a hookup.

She cleaned the mess she made and threw the remnant pieces of the mug in the trash. They crashed to the bottom of her bin, as she just emptied it the night before. 

It definitely took her some time to get used to living on her own again but she managed before and she will again. Erin hated going to bed alone.  She loved falling asleep next to him. The warmth he radiated, the feeling of complete safety, his light breath and most of all she missed his opinion. They had their differences and didn't agree on all the things, but there were some things that she just wished to hear what he had to say about the issue. She dialed his number more than she could count, but always ended up not calling him. 

In a way, she was afraid to admit that she made a mistake by leaving without a word. She just packed her things and left. One day she was a Chicago Detective and the other she moved to New York and started over. Though she didn't exactly do that voluntarily. Erin needed to leave Chicago to get away from her mother and to save her district a lot of trouble. Sometimes she would allow herself to think about what could have been. Maybe they'd be together now, living in their apartment. But then again, chances were that they'd still be separated and she'd be stripped of her badge entirely. With this transfer, she did herself a favor. And maybe if she told herself that often enough, she'd believe it one day. That day wasn't today though.

She pushed a loose strand of brown hair behind her ear and walked over to her window. The view wasn't the best, but it was nice enough. Her street was lined with huge and old trees and most importantly clean. Erin loved her new neighborhood for more than it's tranquility. She felt safe here, amidst all the other people, she was just another tenant and not a detective. She could go home at night without being asked about the newest case and what they discovered so far. In her old house in Chicago word got out quickly that she was a detective and all the other tenants used to come to her a lot. 

She looked down at the street and smiled. The weather was good and not too cold. Parents were racing their kids to the cars, couples kissed goodbye before walking off in two different directions, others just picked up their newspaper in their pajamas and with a steaming coffee mug in their hands. It felt so normal here, so domestic, yet still very anonymous. She moved in three months ago and still didn't know a single one of her neighbors.

One kid waited patiently at the car until his parents locked the door behind them for the day. The goodbye kiss of his parents gave Erin a sting to the heart. She missed those so much. It's never the big things that put you off, always the little ones, that you would normally take for granted. She stepped away from her second story window before the parents could notice her. The last thing she wanted was to creep them out by staring at their child.

She didn't need to be at work until 10 am and Erin was thankful for the late start. She enjoyed long breakfasts and that she actually got to read the papers for a change. It was something that she just had no time for back in Chicago. Hank wanted them to be in by nine, and sometimes even earlier when he wanted to wrap up a case faster. She poured herself another cup of coffee and switched off the radio. It always distracted her while reading.

The ringing of her phone startled her.

"This is Erin Lindsay.", she answered with her 'don't mess with me' voice. Who would call her this early on her private phone? With a hidden number?

"Hey, Erin. Hank gave me your number and I just wanted to make sure it's the right one. I really missed you. Do you feel like talking?"

Erin took a deep breath and sat down.

"I missed you too.", she admitted and even though she was angry with Hank for giving out her number, she was glad that he did.

"So what have you been up to lately? Any exciting big cases?", Erin could hear the amusement in the voice.

"I knew you would be busting my balls. But no, we don't have any huge cases right now. And I can't say that I'm sad about it. In a way, it just means that nothing bad happened in a while that could be connected to a terrorist group.", Erin said and smiled. It felt so good to talk to a familiar voice. She could even tell by the breathing pattern that the caller was happy too. 

"Um so, actually I just called to make sure it's the right number and I guess that Hank'll be looking for me soon if I don't show up at the bullpen again."

"Better hurry then. It was good talking to you, Kim." she laughed and hung up.