Dawn

Chapter 30

It's been one month since everything happened.
And everyday is like the other.
I wake up, Rose makes me breakfast, then I head to the library in search for an explanation for all of this...
But just like yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, you get the gist, I find absolutely nothing.
I refuse to give up, upon thousands and thousands of books, there has to something.
As for Vince, I haven't seen him since, well, he came to my room.
Sitting upon the window sill, I look outside, the light rain that hits against it bringing me a sense of calm.
These past few days, I've been in a state of worry and panic, you could say. I know that what's bound to happen soon is as inevitable as the sun coming up each morning, but it doesn't make me any less frightened.
My mind drifts to the horrid lectures I received in high school in my mating learning courses.
"Heat is a natural process in the mating bond that happens soon after meeting your mate to further the soul connection." I hear my teacher repeat in my head and I shudder.
I know my heat is coming.
Or it may already be here...
I feel it in the way my body temperature has become warmer, the way my breasts have become tender, and my hips a little more fuller. I also see it in the way my mind now frequently conjures daydreams and dreams of Vince ravishing me in unspeakable ways...
It's probably another reason for why Vince has been avoiding me, at least I'm assuming, but I'm glad.
Stepping away from the window sill, I decide to go to the library.
Walking down the long hallway, the smell of Vince's scent traps me in place, but it's a pleasurable scent, making me hungry for more. I shake my head, running down the hallway to get away from his room and his scent. 
Yup, my heat is here.
Shutting the grand doors to the library, I rest my head against it for a while, taking deep breathes to compose myself.
I have to let my wolf out soon. I haven't shifted since I got here, which is not a good thing.
"Note to self, go out for a run later," I whisper, walking around the library.
This place never fails to amaze me.
It's way bigger then the public library back home, the only thing that this place is missing, though, is Maggie. I let out a sigh.
I miss her.
So far I've read a total of 50 books on werewolf mating bonds and werewolf history, and all I've learned are a bunch of boring historical facts.
I skim the tall wooden section of mating history books, that I've checked over this section what feels like at least 100 times.
"What am I missing?" I hum to myself with a finger on my lip.
As if on cue, my father's warm voice enters my head. "The moon goddess never makes mistakes Dawn."
I wonder what he would say about that now....
Wait-
"The Moon Goddess. That's it! Why didn't I think about that before?" I literally shout, wanting to smack myself for being so dumb.
I was focused so much on the actual mate bonds, that I barely gave thought to the one responsible for them in the first place.
Running across the library as fast as I can. I stop, tracking back two steps.
There.
The Moon goddess section, my eyes scan over the titles of the brown leathered books hungrily.
"Ah ha!" I say, grabbing a big worn out leathered book titled "History and Legends of the Moon Goddess."
The book is heavy, I think, as I struggle holding it. Dropping the book on the cherry wood table, it lands with a thud. 
Excitement and anxiety rush over me in a wave.
This could be it.
I may finally get some answers.
In a rush to get started, I hurriedly take a seat, opening the book. A tornado of dust swarms up from the pages, making me cough and rub my eyes. But as my visions clears, I begin to read the table of contents, and my heart thumps, when I see a section labeled, "The Moon Goddess and Her Choosing."
I quickly turn the thick pages that have a medieval looking embellishment on every corner. The writing is heavy and in script, and I soon become aware that I can not understand a single thing.
Not a single word is familiar to me.
I shut the book with a groan as fast as I had opened it.
It's all in latin.
I slump back in my seat. I need to get someone to translate this for me. But who?
I fight down the urge to scream. I think I need that run now.
I look towards the huge window in the library that showcases the whole front yard and the mountains ahead. Rain still drizzled at a steady pattern, and I wondered what would happen if I leave unannounced?
Let me out Dawn, my wolf booms from inside me.
I guess I don't care what he thinks...
I roll my eyes, getting up from my chair, and head down the steps. Before walking down the staircase, I hear the door slam shut, and a minty pine scent fills my nostrils. I wanted to retreat back into my room, but before I even had the chance, I hear his loud voice calling for me.
"Come down," Vince's voiced boomed with the authority of an Alpha, a tone I was still trying to get used to. Letting out a sigh and a muffled curse, I head down the steps. My wolf wanting to emerge from not seeing him too long, took more effort than normal to keep down. Although, Vince wasn't doing such a good job at reining his wolf in either, I could practically feel his wolf calling out to mine.

Clutching the railing tightly to stabilize myself as my knees threatened to buckle beneath me from the sheer effect of his presence on my body, I loathed every step I took. I don't take joy in the fact that just seeing him alone can effect my body so much, but then again it's not entirely my fault, it's in my nature. Although that doesn't help.
"I came down because I'm going for a run, not because you told me to," I snap, confident in this profound new voice. His jaw clicks but I continue.
"I don't need your permission, my wolf needs out, unless of course you want to deal with the consequences of that. Of course, you remember what happened the last time my wolf didn't get her way," I say with a fake smile. All the while, my adrenaline pumped through my blood with a rush.
He stayed quiet. For some odd reason, he seems different than his usual scary alpha self.
He seems almost defeated... 
It's weird to say the least. I was waiting for him to put up a fight, to yell at me, threaten me, but he does nothing.
Honestly, I don't know if that's worse than what I was expecting.
I walk past him, but he catches me, grabbing hold of my elbow, and pulling me close to his face.
My heart skips a beat as I stare into his hazel eyes, sparks involuntarily run down my spine, making me pull back in disgust.
"Don't touch me," I spit, rubbing my arm to try and get rid of his touch on my skin.
His calm exterior vanishes and becomes replaced with the cold, cruel one that I have become familiar with, the one that is easier to hate.
"What?" I begin.
"You keep me here isolated, like I'm some sort of caged animal! I'm not allowed to contact my family. I can't go to school anymore. I- I can't have my old life anymore..." I raise my voice at him then slowly bring it down, looking at him then at the floor.
His eyes are vivid with emotions, but his face blank.
This is the first time we've talked in weeks. Or should I say the first time I've spoken to him in weeks. I have been holding how I feel back since the  day I got here, and I traded my anger for curiosity, trying to find a way out of this mating bond. But now that we're face to face, I don't care if he wants to listen to me or not, all I feel is hot searing rage for him in this moment and for this stupid, selfish, and meaningless situation he has put me in.

"I had my whole life mapped out. I knew what I wanted to be, what I wanted to do. I had a real future, and you stole that from me. You don't care about me. You only care about yourself! I... I..." I seethe, searching for words that will hurt him the most, hurt him like how he has hurt me.
"I hate you!" I shout.
I surprise myself and apparently him too as his eyes flash momentarily with pain before they harden again, but I refuse to pity him.
Do I hate him? I've never hated anybody. I never thought I could hate anyone.
But I guess I do hate him... I do.
He looks away from me, his fists clenching at his side over an over again.
"You act like I wanted this to happen! Well I didn't, Dawn! I had no plans for you either, but guess what, you're my mate, and our wolfs are bound together by a force greater than our own. I'm not proud of how things went down. I wish-" He cuts himself off before he speaks any further, his lips forming a tight line.
"What, Vincent?! What do you wish?"I snap back.
The tension in his body shifts, and I sense it filling up his being, and I brace myself.
"I WISH I DID THINGS DIFFERENTLY!" He yells, his eyes changing their color to a dangerous black. "I wish my parents were still alive! I wish my sister wasn't in a coma! I wish I didn't have to become something that people feared in order to gain respect, and I wish my mate didn't hate me..."His voice lowers at that. "But the world is what it is, and what you wish, means nothing."
My face hardens and a part of me wants to sympathize with him for the family he has lost, but I don't allow myself. I can't let myself get reeled in when at the end of the day he made his choices, so he needs to lay with them.
"Leave," he says, and I hear something like exhaustion in his voice. I almost do a double take at his words, and I wondered if he was making a joke of my pain.
"Go!" He growls now, and from the serious expression on his face, I knew that he meant it.
So that's it?
Just like that he's willing to let me go after making me suffer for a month. For taking me away from my family and friends. For making me seem just like him in there eyes. All for what?
I walk away from him and towards the door backing out slowly.
"For what it's worth. I'm sorry, Dawn." My breath hitches in my throat, and his voice is gentle, smooth. It reminds me of the Vincent I knew before. 
I try to keep my face composed, but the shock is hard to hide. Before I can stop myself, I respond back in a low voice.
"I'm sorry too."
I say this not to him, but for what we have been through individually, for how we have changed, and for what we could have been.
He nods slowly in understanding, although his expression is grim, and I can feel his hurt extend to my body in waves, that he no longer tries to mask. At that I turn my body and leave.