My sad poetry that no one will read✌🏻️

authors note

I hate theses as much as everyone and I will write something really soon but my life and my disordered behaviors were, fine, for a while.

for a while.

I have recently "moved" abroad to a country which I love but speaks another language than English. It's hard sometimes and I don't really have anyone that I can tell things to anymore because of the language barrier.
I am slowly learning though.

A good thing came out of the move, a fresh start.
A break from routine which challenged my negative behaviors and lessened my self sabotage.
But with that great news came some weight gain.

And I can't handle it.

I can't handle this alone.
But I am alone.
And I have to handle it.

My self destructive thoughts are back and louder than ever. I haven't really given in to the voice in my head yet but as she yells and yells at me, throwing her booming voice in my face like fistful of knifes cutting away myself worth disguised as comforting words to cut away my fat, my willpower, fades.
And now I'm back to square one.
And now I'm starving again.

But I can't eat.
She told me not to;