Saving Liam (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 5-Stop

Hey guys! Another chapter! I'm not sure how I feel about Chapter 5-Stop

Two weeks. I had gone two weeks without touching or kissing Liam. It physically hurt me. In the last fifteen days Liam had barely spoken two words to me. When he did speak to me it was usually either at soccer practice or because my mother was beginning to wonder why we were being so hostile towards one another. Since then I had wasted time making out with a few girls. They were a few of the usual whores that always descended when Michelle and I were off. Frankly they kind of disgusted me actually.

They knew that I was using them and they didn’t care. Didn’t they have any respect for themselves? That was actually quite hypocritical of me because if I respected them or myself to the full extent then I wouldn’t still use them like that. I could say that I’m a guy and I have needs but that is so cliché. The truth is that I’m just a pig.

Things between Liam and I just got more complicated a week ago when we were appointed co-captains of the soccer team. I was always captain and the ONLY captain. I pretended that I wasn’t upset about it and for the most part I wasn’t. But there was that little part of me that was kind of pissed off. I stopped daydreaming as the wind was knocked out of me. “Come on man!” My best friend Jackson said after having sent a soccer ball flying into my gut. Practice was about to start and there was no sign of Liam anywhere. That was unusual as he was almost always the first one to the field.

I paused as my phone started ringing in the pocket of my sports bag next to me. I fished it out to see that it was my mom calling. I was tempted to ignore it but I realized that the only reason that my mother would ever call during practice was in case of emergency. “Hello?”

“Andy! Is Liam with you?” Her voice sounded panicked.

“No, why?”

“Oh god, will you find him please? I’m worried about him.”

“Why are you worried?”

“I just talked to him about an hour ago and he hung up on me abruptly.”

“That’s hardly grounds to panic, I hang up on people all of the time.” I said as I was considering doing that just now.

“I called him with bad news Andy, please I’m worried of what he might do right now.”

“Sure, mom I’ll check for him at home. He doesn’t really know anywhere else that he could go around here.” I hung up, gathered the team and left Jackson in charge.  I then sprinted for my car and I drove over the speed limit all the way home. “Liam!” I ran through the house searching for him in every room of the house. “Liam!” I continued to search until I found him in the bathroom. “Stop!” I yelled as I saw the knife at his wrist where a steady stream of blood already sprung from.

I walked over and knelt in front of him. I hesitantly grabbed the knife in my shaking hand placing it on the counter behind me. I then grabbed his wrist which was shaking even more than I was. I examined it to find that the slice wasn’t very deep and it hadn’t hit any major blood vessels. Already the bleeding was trickling to a stop. I looked back up at Liam, his hair was wild and his face was red from crying. Tears still streamed slowly down his cheeks as he looked at me. His green eyes were filled with immeasurable pain and they seemed to have lost their usual fire.

“Liam…?” I asked hesitantly still holding his shaking wrists.

“Why are you here?”

“I live here.”

“You know what I mean.” He shot a pain filled glare in my direction.

“My mom called, she was worried.” I let out a shaky breath. “I was worried.”

“You should have just let me do it.”

“There was no chance in hell of that happening.”

“Why? It would be easier for you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You wouldn’t have to worry about being gay. You wouldn’t have to worry that I don’t fit into your plan for life.” His voice was cold and malicious.

“Come on, this doesn’t fit either of our plans…”

“You don’t get it!” He yelled. “I don’t have any plans! My one and only plan is to have this be over!”

“Have what be over?” I asked him confused.

“My life!” He screamed as more tears cascaded down his face.

“Liam, why? That’s never the answer. We can get through this!”

“That’s just it! There is no we. I have no one and nothing to live for!”

“You have plenty of people.”

“Who? My scumbag father? My dead mother? My dead brothers? My dead sister? My dead grandmother…?” His voice cracked as he spoke the last word.

His grandmother…She was the only one that he had left. She’s alive. “Liam, what happened to your grandmother…?”

“She died Drew! She died, the last person on this earth to love me is gone! The last person that I loved is gone! My reason to live is gone! I’m finally alone…?” He said the last part as more of a question. He said it in defeat, like he had expected this for a long time but at the same time he wasn’t ready for it.

“You’re not alone, you have my mother.”

“Please, your mother is a nice woman but she only brought me in because my mother was her best friend.” I moved my hands down his wrists so that his hands were grasped firmly in mine. His hands were so cold that it startled me.

“You have me.” I said squeezing his hands. I can’t say that it didn’t hurt when he pulled his hands from mine forcefully.

“No I don’t.”

“Yes you do!” At this point my voice had a pleading tone to it. He looked back at me with daggers in his eyes. “There is something that I have wanted to do for a really long time.” I whispered my voice shaking almost as much as my body was. He looked at me wearily but otherwise he didn’t react to my words. I hovered my lips right over his and I heard him take in a breath. He closed his eyes waiting and I slowly pressed my lips to his. I felt his hands scale down my arms as he grabbed each of my hands in his just as I had done before. But I didn’t pull my hands from his. I rotated our wrists so that our fingers laced with each other.

I moved forward pressing my lips further into his as he slowly kissed me. The back of his hands were pressed against the wall behind him. Still I scooted forward, into him. I was practically sitting on his lap now. This was such a weird experience and my mind had no idea what I was doing but my body knew exactly what to do. I moved my lips to his neck and I was satisfied when he let out a moan.

I sighed pulling my lips from his skin and resting my head on the base of his neck. “What is happening?” I asked for what seemed like the thousandth time since I had met him.

“I don’t know Drew, I don’t know.”

“What do we do?” I asked as he pressed his lips to my neck. I guess that was his answer. I pressed my lips to his again and we sat like that for a few moments before I abruptly broke the kiss.  I stood up and grabbed the knife. “I-I need some air. I’ll be right outside don’t do anything stupid.” I practically sprinted to the back yard. Shit. I thought as I kicked my soccer ball at the fence as hard as I could.

I silently begged whatever was happening to just stop. I didn't honestly know if I had meant what I had just said to him. Well of course I did, he had me. I had Liam's back. But as what? HIs friend?....lover?....Boyfriend...? Yeah, these feelings, this attraction, this fatal desire…it all just needed to stop…

Hmmmm....So what do you guys think? Liam's problems obviously go deeper than it would appear....Comment!