Why Kakashi should never read out loud! Collection of Naruto crack-fics

Why Team 7 should never bet Naruto

"Naruto you are such a liar!" Sakura yelled at him.

"Hn, you really have to learn to tell better lies that that," Sasuke said with a disinterested air.

"Naruto," Kakashi said while keeping his nose firmly in his little orange book. "A ninja should never tell ridiculously obvious lies." All three members sweat dropped. "Except to their own students." Kakashi added.

"But I'm telling you it's the truth, I swear it!" Naruto said desperately.

"You've seen the Hokage naked and had her do a naughty dance for you?" Sakura said with an annoyed tone in her voice.

"That's right!"

"And she found you so irresistible she decided to become your girlfriend?" Sasuke asked disbelieving.

"Yes!"

"LIAR!" Both Sasuke and Sakura shouted at him.

"I swear to you it's true!" Naruto wailed.

"Naruto, if you keep saying that where people can hear you the Hokage will probably have the ANBU arrest you and perform a body cavity search." Kakashi said in a good natured voice.

"Grrrr, I'm telling you I really am dating the Hokage!" Naruto shouted.

"Fine dobe," Sasuke said. "Want to bet?"

Naruto looked at the confident Uchiha and smiled evilly. "O.k."

For some reason Sasuke couldn't understand he got a nervous feeling. He shoved it aside though; there was no way he was going to back down to the dobe after proposing they bet. Besides which how often would he get such a total sucker bet? "Then let's go to the Tower right now and ask to speak with the new Hokage, she can clear things up. If she says you're a liar you have to be my servant for the next five years."

"Fine, but when the Hokage tells you I am her boyfriend you have to be my servant for the next five years, plus you have to wear the exact same outfit I wear."

Sasuke smirked. "Sure, whatever."

"Oh! I want in on this too!" Sakura called eagerly.

"Fine," Naruto said tightly. He was starting to wonder just why he still wanted to make Sakura jealous.

"All right, when the Hokage laughs in your face you have to promise to never ask me out on another annoying data again."

Naruto nodded. "Sure, and when Tsunade-chan tells you how crazy she is about me you have to agree to treat me exactly like you do Sasuke." She nodded eagerly.

Kakashi looked up from his book. "You know a teacher really shouldn't try to take advantage of his student's foolishness… but I'd like in on this too."

"Fine."

"If I win no more pleading for me to teach you a new jutsu every practice session and no more saying, 'believe it' where I can here."

Naruto noticed both Sasuke and Sakura nodding their agreement to that last condition.

"All right, and if I win you have to show up two hours early to every practice session or meeting and you have to teach me a new jutsu or fighting technique every practice session."

Kakashi nodded and his visible eye made a little upside down, 'U.' "Well in that case let's go and see the Hokage."

"This should be fun," Sasuke said with a smirk.

"Yeah it should," Naruto growled back.

XXXXXXXXXX

Despite not having an appointment team 7 was able to get a meeting with the Hokage. Shizune ushered them into the Hokage's office where Tsunade was looking bored with a stack of unread reports sitting on her table. "What can I do for you and your team Kakashi?"

"Actually Hokage-sama, my student Naruto wanted to ask you something," Kakashi turned an amused look to Naruto. "Well go ahead Naruto, ask."

"Yeah dobe, ask," Sasuke encouraged.

"Yeah loud mouth go ahead," Sakura said with a grin.

Tsunade looked at the blond ninja and raised an eyebrow. "You want to ask me something Naruto?"

"Yeah," he said. He then walked around her desk and as his teammates and sensei watched and all gasped he sat himself down in the Hokage's lap. "Can I make out with you for awhile?"

Tsunade stared at him as he sat there grinning up at her.

He's going to die! Kakashi thought with horror.

Dobe's really lost his mind. Sasuke thought.

Naruto you baka what are you thinking?! Sakura thought.

Tsunade let out an annoyed sigh. "Fine, but not too much tongue." She then put her mouth over his as they began sucking face.

"Whaaaaaaaaat?" Sakura gasped out.

Sasuke's jaw dropped and he felt himself unable to move.

Kakashi's book slipped out of his nerveless fingers.

XXXXXXXXXX

One Week Later

It was six a.m. In a swirl of wind and leaves Kakashi arrived for the 8 a.m. meeting he had scheduled for his team. The sun wasn't up yet and he smothered a yawn as he tried to think what jutsu he would teach Naruto today.

XXXXXXXXXX

Sakura arrived a quarter to eight. About five minutes later two orange clad figures approached.

"Breakfast was great today Sasuke, let's have the same again tomorrow!"

Sasuke sighed. "Yes Naruto-sama, I'll have all your kunai and shuriken sharpened for you tonight."

"Thanks Sasuke! You're the best servant I could ever have!" As Naruto approached he sent a questioning look Sakura's way.

She shut her eyes. Isn't there just one shinigami out there somewhere who could take me now? She opened her eyes and gritted herself. "Naruto-kun!" She shouted and ran up to him. "Naruto-kun! Oh Naruto-kun you're the best! Can you take we go out on a date?" She was staring at him adoringly.

Naruto looked at her for a second, then he stuck his hands in his pockets and slouched past her. "Hn."

Sakura's left eye began to twitch violently.

XXXXXXXXXX

Months later when the Sound Four came offering to take him to Orochimaru for training and the chance to gain real power he was sorely tempted. But he refused the offer.

He had to do Naruto's laundry that night.