Why Kakashi should never read out loud! Collection of Naruto crack-fics

Why Shikamaru should never get the Death Note

Shikamaru was lying on his favorite hill staring up at

clouds when he saw something drop out of the sky and

onto the hill not too far from him.

Thinking it would probably be troublesome he never the

less got up to investigate, it being unusual to have

things simply materialize and fall out of the sky.

He soon found what appeared to be a plain journal with

the words, 'Death Note' stamped across the cover.

Bending down he picked it up and opened it. On the

inside cover there was what looked like instructions.

"The human whose name is written in this note shall

die," Shikamaru lifted a single eyebrow. "I wonder if this

is some kind of joke."

"It's no joke," a husky voice said.

Shikamaru turned around to see a freakish monstrosity

with sharp teeth and yellow and red eyes floating in the

air above him on black feathery wings.

Shikamaru managed to remain admirably calm. "And you

are?"

"My name is Ryuk and I'm a shinigami."

"Of course you are," Shikamaru muttered. "This is yours I

take it."

The shinigami shook his head. "It was, but now it

belongs to you. You can use it any way you want."

"Use it? What do you mean?" Shikamaru asked.

"Just like you read any human whose name you write

down in that note book will die. You can kill anyone you

want so long as you know their name and what they

look like."

"Really?" He looked carefully at the book in his hands.

"You can settle any old scored you have, eliminate

rivals, or you could even set out to change the world by

getting rid of people you judge as evil or unworthy. With

that book in your hands you have the power to reshape

this whole world."

"I see," Shikamaru said slowly. "So I could become the

new god of this world? I could rid it of all those who are

wicked and corrupt, creating a better society where the

innocent have nothing to fear while the criminals cower

in terror for their very lives?"

"Exactly!" Ryuk nodded.

Shikamaru knew exactly what he needed to do. Putting

two fingers in his mouth he gave a loud whistle. Three

deer responded and approached him. "Chow down!" he

called and tossed the Death Note to them. They began

to eat it.

"Hey! What's the big idea?" Ryuk yelled.

Shikamaru went back to his original spot and lay down

again. "While all that sounds really great and all, it's

waaaaaaaaay too much work."

He calmly began watching clouds again.