I Wish That Was Me

Chapter 5

**hey guys thanks for reading my fic so far! :) i hope ya guys like this chapter. i had the biggest writers block!! thanks! comment and vote for me xx**

*Liam’s POV*

I dragged my body into mine and Danielles room, realizing that both my arms are numb. Damn that lazy leprechaun, i shouldve just let him walk up here himself. And to top it all off, he didnt even say thank you! I thought back. That look in his eyes, it was so empty. Did I cause it? Was he really that dissapointed that i roomed with Danielle? He knows she is my girlfriend, so whats the problem? Snapping out of my thoughts, I shut our bedroom door and crawled into bed. Danielle had already fallen asleep because i can hear her soft snores. A small smirk played on my lips, her snores are the cutest.

*flashback*

I looked down at Niall and i couldnt help but let out a little chuckle. He was still sleeping in my arms and snoring softly. He looked so young and innocent. I let my gaze drop down to his lips. They were slightly parted and—

*end of flashback*

 I stared up at the ceiling, trying to clear my head. Was i going to kiss him? No. Danielle is my girlfriend and Niall is just my friend…..my best friend. I closed my eyes trying to convince myself that i wasnt about to kiss my bestmate!! I shook my head, clearing it so i could let myself fall asleep……It mightve been nice to though….My eyes almost jumped out of their sockets. I did not just think that…i mentally slapped myself.

Something wrapped around me and I noticed it was Danielles arm. I sighed. The world was getting darker. “Danielle is my girlfriend”, it echoed over and over in my head until everything faded completely. 

*Nialls POV*

Idiot, idiot, idiot...why did i just do that?! I might as well just shouted I love you in his face! I slumped down on the bed, not noticing i landed on something. My eyes widened and i jumped off the bed, startled. Oh yea I forgot....

"Sorry Zayn, I didnt see ya there." I looked down at his face, trying to look apologetic. He just stared at me with a confused face. I brushed it off and layed back in bed. It was so soft, I sank right into it. He was still gawking at me. A couple seconds went by, then he finally said something.

"Mmm..It's fine."

It sounded like something was bothering him. What could be bothering him, he wasnt the one with the problems. I couldve probably guessed what it was by the expression on his face,but my back was turned to him. So I let a couple more seconds past, then I tryed to look at his face.I slowly turned my head realizing how big the bed was.(What did i expect it is on of those luxury rooms) I then saw a pair of eyes. Shit, he was staring right at me.He looked very frustrated. I panicked, so i just layed there frozen trying to look at everything but his eyes. He finally broke the awkwardness. He turned so his back was facing me and let out a long drawn out sigh. He sounded disappointed..at what? Me? I felt anger boil inside me. What did i do! What, he doesnt want to room with me either!? I felt my fists clench, and my mouth opened to say something, but i stopped myself right in time. What am I doing?! Chill Niall, chill. I shouldnt be getting mad over such a small thing like this. Afterall, Liam is the one im actually pissed off at. Actually I'm pissed off at Danielle, too. Of all the fucking fish in the sea, she had to take my Liam. I was suddenly filled with the same rage from a couple of seconds ago.  But something felt wrong, I felt...guilty. I sighed, since when did i get anger issues. I swear liking him has changed me so much. I wouldnt say its horrible, it just has its ups and downs. I shut my eyes and before i knew it i was slipping from the world, all my feelings, everything. It was peaceful.

We were singing our last song for the night. I Wish. If only he knew..knew how much this song relates to our whole relationship. Its exactly how I feel about him, exactly. Everytime we sing it, it just does something to me. It makes me want to hug him and tell him everything, but then I realize i can't. It's Danielle, I would be selfish if I did such a thing. I just can't hurt her. That's not even what i fear the most. It's rejection. Just the thought of him not loving me back. It makes me want to just let go of everything. Because Liam is all I care about. I know it sounds wrong, but even Harry and Louis are happy. Not to mention Zayn also has a girlfriend. That only leaves me. Here. Alone. We just finished the song and now we're heading backstage. I decided it's now or never, plus Dainelle isnt here this time.(Well at least i dont think so). I ran after him, calling his name, but something's wrong. He isn't stopping. I'm running faster, and faster, but he still is what seems like a mile away. Suddenly I trip and landed flat on my face. Everything was getting blurry, I rubbed my eyes several times trying to fix it, but nothing worked. My body hit the floor again as I tried to stand back up, but my legs..they wouldnt move. Im panicking now, calling for help. His help, but no one came. He was still pretty far away. So I yelled as loud as I can, but all that came out was a little whisper. I looked up and my vision became clear again only to see something that literally crushed me from the insides. I just layed there and watched. Watch Liam get down on his knees and propose to her. This can't....it can't be happening. It wasnt supposed to be like this. I was going to tell him, today was supposed to be the day. I want it to stop, everything. I wish the whole world would stop. Suddenly i saw there whole life play out in my head. From their wedding to their first kid. It was a girl. Liam always liked baby girls. Ever since we had to watch his baby cousin that day. This was all too much for me. I was breaking.

I was awaken by a loud thud. My eyes tried to open but they stayed shut. So i just layed there half awake, too lazy to get up. That was the second time i had that nightmare...I dont think ill be able to take it a third time. My feelings, they were killing and eating me alive. I finally got my eyes to open, only to get stung by bright rays of sunlight. I covered my eyes, feeling something wet. I wiped my eyes again. I was crying. Either that or Zayn dumped water on my face.(But I highly doubt thats the case). I gained enough energy to get of the bed and I noticed Zayn wasnt there. Thank god he wasn't. This wouldve been the second time he caught me crying. But what if i was crying the whole night....shit....I tip-toed into the hallway, not daring to see if the boys are awake. I finally got into the bathroom and quietly shut the door. I turned around and almost shrieked. Looking into the mirror, confused and astonished. My eyes were bloodshot and puffy. That means i have been crying all night. My hair was a total mess, too. I snuck back into the hallway and into my room, closing the door. I searched my luggage for something. I couldnt find it, taking out all the shirts and jeans. I checked the side pockets and there it was. Eyedrops. I bought some awhile ago just incase anything happens. Since it is Spring and there tends to be a lot of pollen. I put some in my eyes and blinked away the excess liquids. I shot up as i heard a loud bang come from the kitchen. I ran out, stopping by the hallway mirror to see if my eyes were still red and they werent. Then I ran to the kitchen to see the floor covered in some sort of batter and Zayn standing next to it.

"Whoops"