Come Back Home

Chapter Six

-Andy's POV-

We were in the United States of America, about to embark on a new part of the journey that we were on. There were new sights to be seen, new people to meet, new memories to make. And yet, I still found myself plagued by old feelings. I sat on the hotel bed, taking a moment to collect myself before joining the others for dinner.

It had been over a year since that day at the pond, and things had gotten better, they really had, but it wasn't something that you could just forget and move on from. Recovery was a constant work in progress, and I had plenty of obstacles to try and conquer. For one, Liv didn't like me back. And trying to talk about it made me feel so idiotic – The phrase sounded so childish, like it shouldn't carry nearly as much weight as it did. I went to a group, and I was still trying to learn how to get out of thought spirals like that – I didn't need to validate every little thing that I felt.

Truth be told, it was a big thing for me. I'd made a leap, and I hadn't crossed the chasm. I'd tried to calm myself down when her call had come through, but it was nearly impossible. My hands had been shaking when I'd accepted the call, and I almost dropped my phone when I heard her voice at the other end of the line. Once she'd hung up, I cried – Partly out of sadness for what wasn't meant to be, and partly out of relief that I no longer had to carry around such a heavy weight.

My mum had found me there, and we'd eaten cookie dough straight out of the package together, and I'd spoken about it some more before giving into exhaustion from all of the discussion and taking a nap in the middle of the day. The day after that, I'd taken Rye's advice and had my first appointment with a counselor, and I'd been trying my best to work it out ever since then. It had been over a year since the attempt, and I was six months sober. Every day was a battle, but I was making progress, and that was what counted.

I tried to view every day as a clean slate, a new opportunity to see that life was worth living – To learn that I was here for a reason. Sometimes it worked, and sometimes it didn't – But it was a bad day, not a bad life, and I was certain of that now.

I took a deep breath, touching up my hair quickly in the mirror. If I took much longer, the boys would start to wonder what was up. I was just feeling a touch of homesickness along with the excitement for what was to come. It was always a risk, starting over somewhere new. We weren't headlining the tour – We were simply on it with several other acts – And I didn't know how successful we would be here in America. It had always been a dream of mine, to tour here, and I could only hope that it would be as incredible as I always imagined it to be.

"You good?" I heard Rye's voice through the door.

"Yeah, just give me one more minute." I checked my phone quickly before walking out – I had two new texts from Liv.

"Listen to this. It made me think of you" and a link. I swiped to view what it was – Lullaby by Nickelback. I plugged my earbuds in as I checked to make sure I had everything that I needed. At first, I wasn't paying full attention to the lyrics – At least, not until it hit the chorus.

"If you can hear me now, I'm reaching out to let you know that you're not alone. And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell 'cause I can't get you on the telephone. So just close your eyes..." I sat down on the edge of the bed, absorbing in the lyrics that hit closer to home than I would've expected.

"Please let me take you, out of the darkness and into the light, 'Cause I have faith in you, that you're gonna make it through another night." I could see now why Liv had sent this song to me. "Because you're not done, you're far too young, and the best is yet to come." I buried my head in my hands as it launched back into the chorus.

"Well, everybody's hit the bottom, everybody's been forgotten, well everybody's tired of being alone. Yeah, everybody's been abandoned, and left a little empty handed. So if you're out there barely hanging on..." By now, I had given into the tears that were waiting for me.

"Andy?" I jolted to see Rye standing in front of me, having tuned out the rest of the world halfway through the song. I took my earbuds out, sucking in a raggedy breath and wiping my eyes clear of any leftover tears.

"You okay?" He asked, voice soft.

"Yeah," I answered honestly. "Yeah, I'm okay."