The Bachelor: Harry Styles #Wattys2016

Chapter 19

Jennifer's POV

Today has been really unproductive, I've basically just sat around all day thinking about life, listening to music and sleeping.

It's nice to just have times like this once in a while and just think, without the crazy life around you, it's like a long awaited vacation.

I get ready for bed and lay down, just staring at the ceiling.

I decide to text Harry, his date with Sophie should be done about now, he is probably on his way back to the room or possibly even there already, I haven't been out my room in a while so I'm not sure if Sophie has arrived back.

'Sweetdreams love ;) xxx'

I decide to use his word just to tease him.

"Hay, you going to bed now?" Layla asks as she steps into the room.

"No I'm actually not tired at all, just relaxing here." I reply, as she sits down on her bed next to mine. I'm glad that I have some sort of friend on this show, she seems to be the only girl talking to me right now, I don't know why all the rest are ignoring me.

"Let's chat and get to know each other more." Layla says.

"Ok, sounds good! What do you want to talk about?"

"Well how many boyfriends have you had?" She asks, looking at me intently.

I take a minute to think about it, I've only really had 1 serious boyfriend, and that is Zach.

"Well 1 serious relationship, with a guy named Zach ."

"And how long ago was that? High school?" She questions.

"Well yeah, we met in high school and dated for 2 years after school."

"But wait, you're 20, does that mean you dated him up until this year???"

"Well he kind of broke up with me 2 weeks before I came on the show."

"Woah, and you're over him already? After a 2 year relationship??" She sounds shocked.

"Well to be honest, I don't think I could ever get over someone I love. I'll always care for him,he was a big part of my life." Im honest with Layla because I do see her as a friend, we've spent 3 weeks together.

"So what if he sees you on the show and decides he made a mistake and wants you back? Do you think you would go back to him?"

I stare at the floor, I honestly haven't thought about that at all....

"Well?" Layla asks.

"I don't know, I mean of course I care for Harry, but Zach and I have such history, and I don't know. What if I say no to Zach and give my all to Harry just to be sent home by him, and left with no one? Or what if I leave what I have with Harry, only to break up again with Zach and end up seeing Harry with someone else?"

"So you're saying you still have feelings for Zach?" She looks at me with a serious face.

"I don't know, I mean I guess I'll always care for him and with that caring comes feelings, and it's only been 1 month without him, so I'm still trying to move on."

"Have you spoken to Harry about this?" Layla lifts her eyebrows.

"No it hasn't come up." I cover my face with my hands.

"Well you better hope Zach doesn't come running back."

I sigh, and walk to the bathroom to brush my teeth before bed. I walk in the bathroom and think about everything that Layla and I just spoke about. I hate these times where I feel so confused about what I should do. I like to think that what Harry and I have is real and getting serious, but I can't help but think I might end up hurt, I know I think about this getting hurt thing a lot, but who wouldn't be afraid of possibly having your heart broken?

I walk out the bathroom and start to make my way back to my bedroom.

I hear a noise by the door, I peep around the corner to see that Harry is kissing Sophie up against the wall just by the door and Sophie is softly giggling.

"Shhh, you're making a noise." Harry smirks at her and leans his forehead against hers. "Today was amazing. Thank you."

"No, thank you." She teases, before laughing again. They hug each other for what seems like forever, before slightly pulling away, Harry's arms still around Sophie's waist, her hands on his shoulders.

"Goodnight, love." He kisses her on the forehead and walks out, closing the door quietly. I start to run quietly to the bathroom, making sure that Sophie doesn't see or hear me.

I head into the bathroom and close the door behind me, letting out my breath that I've been holding in for the last 2 minutes and burst into tears.

I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest, I've never been in this situation where I see someone I care about and potentially love, with someone else.

I respect Sophie and she's a sweet girl but I hate to see that her and Harry are so close. The worst part is that if she has come home that means she got a rose and is safe till next week. That makes me feel even worse because now I'm the one who could potentially be sent home.

My heart starts to speed up and my vision begins to blur I breathe in deeply, in and out, in and out. I sit down on the floor leaning my head against the door.

I need to calm down, everything will be fine, I just need to breathe. Breathe Jen!

Then I remember sending him that text earlier on, I feel like such an idiot, obviously he doesn't just call me love! I feel so stupid. Why did I ever think it could work?

After about 10 minutes I recover and wash my face before making my way back to the room where Layla has already fallen asleep. I'm relieved because I really don't want to speak about what I just saw.

I just want to phone Claire and just pack my bags and leave. I know it feels like I'm over reacting, but I can't stand being hurt any more than I already am.

I slip under the bed covers and grab a pillow to cuddle.

I hear my phone buzz but decide not to check it, the last thing I want is to read a message from Harry that he's probably sent to some of the other girls too.

Maybe I can speak to Harry tomorrow before he goes on the next date. Maybe coming on this show was a mistake.