To My Dearest

2017

Never in my life did I dream of dating a fellow celebrity. I’ve been in this industry since I was a teen and I honestly thought it’s impossible for me to deeply like someone with the same job as mine let alone fall in love with her. But like any other human boy, an idol like me can also have such feelings. I’m not an exemption.

As I was packing my stuff for the next day, I stumbled upon an old photo that started it all. I stopped and sat at my swivel chair as I recall the memories. Five years later and I’m still as much of a fanboy of her as I was before.

It was winter of 2017 when we were formally introduced to each other. Namjoon Hyung, Yoongi Hyung and Hobi Hyung were doing a collab with her and Jennie. It was for a special number for an upcoming festival next year. The hyungs kept teasing me about it because they know – heck the whole world also knows – that I’m a big fan of their group. A lot of male idols were also fanatics but I guess they’re just too conscious to show it.

As for me, I’ll fanboy all I want because why the hell not? They’re a badass group and their music is my style.

And Lisa is my style.

I couldn’t even care less if people noticed it.

I remember the first time I talked to her I almost wished I would disappear. I was wearing a mask and the hyungs were all giggling because they chose to introduce me at the time I was sporting a massive pimple on my nose. It was embarrassing. Hobi hyung mercilessly pulled my mask and I can feel my face turning red. But all my worries vanished when I heard her laugh. It was contagious and I couldn’t help but laugh at myself too.

After the first recording, Lisa sat beside me and greeted me. At first I thought she’d be like any other female idols. Usually, they just smile, toss their hair and waits for someone to entertain them or attend to them but with Lisa, she’s going to be the first one to ask you how’s your day. I think I can tell that all her members are like her because the hyungs wouldn’t stay longer if they’re not enjoying someone’s company. They obviously like talking to Jennie, I mean look at them laugh.

“You know, I thought you’d be singing with us today.” She said driving my attention to her. Can you believe I was actually shy to turn my head and steal a little glance on her?

“Uh, no, I was…I just…I’m a big fan of your company. I’ve always wanted to try the food in your cafeteria.” I said rather too honestly.

“O- perfect! I was just starving.” She clasped her hands together and stood up. I processed this for a bit and realized what was happening.

“Come on! I thought you said you wanted to try the famous YG food, don’t you?” She was now standing.

“Er-um, are you sure? Wait, really?” And then there was me, still hesitating to move.

“Yeah!”

I thought about it and looked back at my friends inside the recording room.

“They won’t be done talking soon trust me. You’ll get hungry waiting for them.” She gushed and went out first. I contemplated for a moment if I should go after her.

There were a lot of things going on in my mind at that moment. It didn’t come to me at first that after the decision I made that day will follow me in the next days, the next weeks and the next months.

I was watching my friends have fun with Jennie when Yoongi Hyung noticed me. His gummy smile turned into a one line when he saw me. I saw him mouthed: Are you okay?

I raised my thumbs up to him and gestured that I was going out for a bit when he nodded and waved.

When I stepped outside the room, I saw Lisa leaning her back on the wall. I couldn’t help but check her out.

Hey, don’t blame me. I’m just a fanboy. You’d do it too if you had the chance.

When I looked back at her face, she was already giving me a knowing look. She definitely caught me eyeing her from head to toe.

“Really now?” She asked amused.
I shrugged and cleared my throat. I saw her roll her eyes and walked first.

“I’m sorry for being awkward but you probably know how I am every time your group is performing at award shows…” I mumbled and I saw her glance back at me. I just couldn’t walk by her side. It’s weird and there might be people around. And…maybe because I really like to check her out.

Again, I’m a normal harmless fanboy.

“Tch. It’s not a big deal. In fact it was quite funny. To tell you the truth, I’m a fan of you and BTS, Taehyung Sunbaenim.” She was walking backwards now, laughing at my reaction. She’s talking formally but her actions weren’t exactly as polite. It was rather friendly.

I probably looked like a puzzled derp when she looked at me because I tend to do that whenever I’m shocked.

“You should see you face right now.” She kept on chuckling.

Has she always been this cheerful because if she is, I wouldn’t have the guts to stop myself from liking her.

“Hey Lisa... since we’re each other’s fans, can I ask for a selfie together?” I waved my phone at her and grinned with all my teeth.

I gulped when she moved gracefully by my side. Should I put my arm around her?