count to ten; a.i

T W O

T W O

That second year was bliss.

We were in that first stage of a relationship where we wanted to be around each other every second of the day.

On our one year anniversary, you gifted me a beautiful gold necklace. Hanging on the edge of a delicate chain was the rim of a golden heart, a small stud of emerald blue dotted at the meeting point.

It was my most treasured possession, and I remember wearing it for years and years after that day.

I fell in love with you in june of the second year i'd know you, and I even remember the moment that I realised it.

We were down at the docks, just walking along hand-in-hand. You had bought us ice creams and we ate them as we talked.

I told you about my older sister, who had started her own family. I hadn't heard her voice since I was seventeen, but you didn't push me to go and talk to her, like everyone else I'd ever known had done. You just... listened. 

I told you about my over-protective father, and my frail mother. You didn't say a word, just locked our fingers together more tightly, and pressed your lips to the side of my head. I didn't need an,

"I'm worried, babe" from you. I just knew you cared from simple actions.

In return, I found out about your family too. Your mother, Anne-Marie, was a lawyer. Your sister was studying at university and your brother was going into sixth grade. I tried to listen like you had, but I didn't have the same touch.

I couldn't help you in ways that you could help me, but I think you knew that. I'm just glad you stayed.

You told me you'd had depression when we first met, and that it could come back any day. It was weird to think that the confident young man, the person I'd aspired to be, was really not all that confident as he let on.

He was broken inside. You were broken inside.

I remember glancing down at the hand I was holding. Just above it, I could see thin skin-coloured bumps on your wrist.

At the sight of your scars, I wanted to shield you from the world, to tell you that it was okay. I didn't want you to fall down into that dark place, but I knew it would do nothing.

I knew I couldn't fix you. I wanted to with all my heart, but I knew you were never the type of person who needed others help. You needed to fix yourself.

So I would wait.

I would wait for you every second of my life, and I would be there for you when you felt like nothing was enough.

Because I loved you.

And that's when I knew.