"There are bigger things than love."
KIM
Totoo yun.
I would have preferred him telling me he needed space more than him telling me outright that there was another girl. Akala ko kakayanin ko, after all, sinabi ko na sa sarili ko na whatever happens between us, tatanggapin ko dahil feeling ko tama lang na mangyari sakin yun. But the more I think about, parang yung puso ko mabibiyak sa sobrang sakit. I should have told him what I needed was a lie. At least, it wouldn’t hurt this bad. . . at least may time pa para magsink-in yung lahat.
“Kim, nakikinig ka ba?”
“Kim!” Natauhan ako, seemingly coming back for the most part. I shook my head, and then gathered the paper bag and a cup of milk in my hands.
“Sorry. I was remembering something.” I explained although my words did little to relieve her puzzlement. “Tell him to take his medicine too. ”
Pumasok na ako sa loob ng room ng patient ko. William has been my patient, halos magtdadalawang buwan na nga rin because he’s currently being treated for a tumor that was found in his brain. He wasn’t really talkative so usually I just spend my time sitting on a chair just beside his table. Sometimes, we fight over petty things dahil complain ng complain. Why does he need to eat this stuff or what am I doing here? Minsan gusto ko na nga batukan e kaso syempre, I have to remind myself na patient ko nga naman sya. Lately tho, naging mainitin yung ulo nya, like he shouts talaga and breaks any thing that he sees, and I sort of understand. Having a brain tumor really sucks.
“Hey,” I said, trying to wake him “drink this daw muna.” He opens his eyes and gives me an annoyed look but his face softens when he turns to look at me.
Kinuha nya sa akin yung milk along with the paper bag and put it on his bed. “Uhm, thanks?” He said with uncertainty. Tumango ako and then took a seat beside his table, my routine for two months.
A tear slipped down, and another, and another. Pakiramdam ko nga hindi na titigil yung luha ko because the next thing I knew, I was crying so hard. I just want to let everything go, the pain, the hurt. Everything.
“Hey,hey” Thru my blurred vision, I saw him running towards me with a completely baffled expression. It’s probably his first time to see a girl crying. “Sht. Did I do something?”
I shook my head, wanting to be comforted and not wanting someone to see me falling apart. Hindi ko maintindihan yung sarili ko. “You know,” he says, “when I look at you, I see a girl who’s carrying a lot of weights.” A sigh escapes from his mouth. “You look so distant, parang laging may bumabagabag sa'yo.” He says, inspecting me once more.
“I got my heart broken...Stupid isn't it?”
He was quiet for a moment. I couldn’t tell if his eyes were really looking straight at me and studying me in the dark as he thought of an answer to my question. It took him a long time to answer, longer than I had anticipated because I thought the questions were simple and could very well be answered with just a sentence or two.
“Well. ..”
“Nevermind. It feels weird talking about stuff like this. . Sorry.” I said, getting ready to leave.
William went back to his bed, and then out of the blue turned around to face me “Look..” he began, a look of uncertainty crossed his face. “If it makes you feel better, you can cry on my shoulder.” I smiled at him, although grateful at his offer, I’d rather keep this to myself.
