KARA
I didn't want to be a slave to the way I feel about you. Can you understand?
“HOW DARE YOU?!!” I snapped at him, feeling my insides heat up and then got up. I took out the ice skating shoes and ran away amidst the crowd looking incredulously at us.
“Kara!” He made a grab for my arm as I turned abruptly, no longer wanting to say anything to him anymore.
Droplets of tears jumped down my face when I moved, shoving his hand away. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—“ I knew I couldn’t just stand there and let him fool me again, but because my anger was stacking up all the way to my throat, I didn’t know how to retaliate. All I could do was to pathetically ask him to shut up. “Ano ba!! Bitawan mo nga ako!”
“Listen to me, Kara. Kahit ngayon lang.” He says, his eyes pleading. “I know that was too much.. pero yun lang kasi yung alam ko kung way para pansinin mo ako. I’M SORRY, OKAY?”
“SORRY?!” I screamed, angry tears streaming down my face like droplets of rain. “Bakit?Anong magagawa ng sorry mo?! Mabubusog ba ako nyan? Ang hirap kasi sa mga katulad mo, akala niyo okay lang gumawa ng kasalanan ng paulit-ulit as long as you will say sorry.” I tried to steady myself so my voice wouldn’t quaver. “Ang sama-sama mo! Ilang ulit mo ba akong gagaguhin ha Enrique?” And then I paused, feeling my chest rise and fall in anger.
Qen’s adam’s apple rose and fell as he swallowed something in his throat. He blinked his eyes several times and looked around, running his hand over his mouth again. “I have my reasons Kara at hindi yun ganun kadaling sabihin sa'yo! Ba't ba hindi mo maintindihan?! Ang hirap kasi sa'yo you won’t give me a chance! YOU ACT LIKE YOU FUCKING KNOW EVERYTHING!”
*SLAP*
“You played me, and then left without a word. ” The resounding sound traveled faster than the initial touch of my hand on his cheek. But once the movement accompanied the sound, it was just as bad as it looked and sounded. I don’t know why I did it; but I did it. Perhaps months of frustration were finally being released; the strange thing was I didn’t feel any better after I slapped him.
“Qen, 3 years…YOU DISSAPEARED IN MY LIFE FOR 3 YEARS…. DO YOU KNOW WHAT 3 YEARS FOR ME IS QEN?----300 MILLION YEAAAARS!!! 3 years akong naghintay sa'yo..Tapos sasabihin mong hindi kita binibigyan ng chance? 3 years akong nabaliw kakaisip kung anong nangyari sa'yo ----ni tawag o mail wala. Bakit? Ako ba sa panahong yun hindi mo maisip?!! I waited for an answer, pero may binigay ka ba? WALA NAMAN DI BA?!!! You never answered my calls and e-mails tapos malalaman ko na lang na ako lang yung hindi mo cinocontact sa ating magkakabarkada? You were busy fvcking every girl you met there without even bothering to tell me what happened! I spent one whole fucking year crying over you! Wondering what happened to us, wondering if I ever did something wrong!! Pinaniwala mo akong may nararamdaman ka sakin tapos bigla ka na lang mawawala!!!! PUTANG INA QEN, you promised me na kahit anong mangyayari di mo ako iiwan! YOU FUCKING PROMISED ME TAPOS BIGLA MO AKONG INIWAN SA ERE! Tapos babalik na parang walang nangyari?! Tapos you're expecting me to shower you with kisses and hugs?! Putang ina mo wala kang karapatan because you hurt me so bad!” I shouted at him again, wanting to pull the answer out of him. “WHY DID YOU LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE?! Was I part of some game or deal?”
“Does it really matter?”
“WHY DID YOU LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE?! Now, tell me! This is your chance to tell me everything… Baka sakaling maintindihan ko.. Baka sakaling maayos pa.” I said, my voice almost breaking.
“Come on, I’ll take you home. Baka pagod ka na.” He says, dismissing the question by holding my hands. I tried to pry his arms away from me and shouted. “I’M GIVING YOU A CHANCE YOU ASSHOLE! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?! ANO BA QEN?! PAULIT-ULIT NA LANG BA TAYONG GANITO?” I gaped at him. This was not making sense – he was not making sense at all. “TELL ME WHY. PLEASE."
“I’m sorry.” He says it quietly, and it almost gets lost in the wind I’m not sure I heard him.
“If you can’t tell me then leave... leave me alone from now on. Don’t bother me anymore. Let’s act like nothing ever happened, let’s be strangers from now on. I went crazy when you left me! I can't let that happen...again.” I spoke even though my voice trembled.
“I’m sorry.” That was when he started to leave. He was walking away from me ---for the second time.
“Fine, leave! Leave the hell outta my life!Fuckyou, Cervantes!!! ” I screamed at him despite how much I wanted to break apart. The tears continued to flow and my heart was breaking into pieces.. That's when I realized that no matter how hard I tried to tell and fool myself into thinking that I had moved on – that he was just another one, I was back to my old self. And no matter how hard I try to force myself to forget about him, my heart can't lie.
