“Maybe nobody knows how. Sometimes it's easier to pretend nothing is wrong than to face the fact that everything is wrong, but you're powerless to do anything about it.” ― Katja Millay, The Sea of Tranquility
KIM
Siguro if I was given a chance to erase the past and make memories everytime I drown myself in the alcohol, baka nagka-liver cirrhosis na ako. Haha.
A month ago, nakasama ko si William sa isang bar. It was his crazy idea to help me forget my problem. Pero wala e, kahit anong gawin ko at kahit anong pilit ko sa utak na wag ko na muna yung alalahanin, mas lalo lang akong nabobother.
William and I have gotten close too, not inappropriately close but well.. close. Tignan mo nga naman o, yung akala kong sanggano e may ibabait din pala.
When I opened his room, I went straight to the other side and rustled the window curtain out of place and the faint morning light coming from the sun illuminated Liam’s sleeping pale face. “Ayan, let the sun give you some color.” I said as I watched him intently.
I jumped up to my feet, and almost shrieked when a hand tightly locked around my wrist. My heart beat fast, tracing my upper limb with my gaze until I met Liam’s stare.
“Good morning.” He greeted me warmly and then unfurled his grip on my wrist.
“Good morning din. Grabe. I thought—“
“Multo? Malapit na, don’t worry.” He said with amused expression. “Magpagaling ka na kasi. Bakit ba ayaw mong magpa-opera?”
“Aminin mo na kaya sa kanila?” He said, avoiding the topic and starting a new one so I gave him a WTF look.
“Teka lang kuya, masyado ka atang concern? Magpagaling ka kaya muna?” I said, helping him to sit upright. Itinaas na yung mga dosages sa gamot nya since last week because he’s been suffering from really painful headaches. Minsan when I pass by his room, naririnig ko syang sumisigaw. It was really that painful. May mga araw din na hindi maganda yung mood nya and he would throw things on the floor. But looking at his face now, he seemed okay naman.
“I will not get better. Matagal ko ng tanggap yun.” He said dismissively, judging from his face, he doesn’t like to dwell on this type of topic anymore kaya nanahimik na lang ulit ako. “They gave me 10 years. Malapit na ako sa finish line.” But he couldn’t stop talking death! Sa sobrang inis ko sa ka-negahan nya lumapit ako at sinapak sya sa arms nya.
“Ouch! How could you smack your patient’s arm? Pangalawang beses na yan ha!” He warned.
“Bakit hinde?! E ikaw naman kasi nakakagago. Alam mo ba, lahat ng patients na inaalagaan ko e gumagaling?” I said picking some oranges to peel for Liam to eat on his table. O di ba, nurse na nga, yaya pa. Bakit di sya gagaling? “So pag sinabi kong gagaling ka, gagaling ka.”
Liam laughed lowly and even with the way his eyes lit, I could tell that he was looking at me with saddened expression. “Alam mo the last time I believed someone, binigo lang nila ako.”
“But I’m not that someone, di ba?”
“Alam mo ikaw…” he said chuckling. Tignan mo to, parang baliw. “Alam mo, I didn’t know you’d be amazing siguro pag hindi ikaw yung nurse ko, I would probably end up lying on this bed, hating everything, wallowing in self-pity. Siguro para na akong lanta na gulay. Maybe you were put into this world to give meaning to my life before I die. So, buti na la”
