He Just Seemed So Far Away (Percy Jackson) (Percy x Grover)

Chapter One

Grover

After getting back from Greece, Percy and I had been hanging out. And he uh... He left something at my place. I thought it was just a school notebook thing for notes.

Nope.

It was thick. It was huge. A tiny binder.

So I uh... Snooped. He's my best friend. I didn't realize what it was until I opened it and I was too curious to think that maybe I shouldn't do it.

It was a diary. But not. It wasn't for personal reasons. It said on the first page that this was for therapy.

I didn't even know he went to therapy. So that was that. I was reading it.

September 1, 2005:

So my therapist is making me write stuff down about what happens to me. Or like, how I feel maybe? I don't know, they just said that I had to write every day about whatever came to my mind. Told me to start it when I start school. Which is today. So yeah.

Morning / before school: I'm sorta nervous. I haven't met my roommate yet because he was supposed to stay with someone else but something happened and he's changing rooms. They told me his name, but I don't remember. Garret? Grover? Gary? There's a g and an r in there.
But yeah. I'm tired. I don't want to be here. My anxiety is probably going to get the best of me and then I'll have a breakdown in the bathroom because then it'll mess up my depression and then I'll go to my dorm room and pretend everything is okay.
It's happened the first day of school every other year. This won't be different.

During school:
First hour: I almost fell asleep until our teacher yelled at us because we weren't excited enough about Math (literally nobody cares)
Second hour: the bullies found me. Called me gay. Called me.out on being the poorest person in the school. I'm not gay. They're just mean.
Third hour: History was okay. It's ancient history so maybe it won't be as boring? It was uneventful, though.
Fourth hour: I'm failing English. It's official.
Fifth hour: I didn't actually fall asleep but I don't remember anything?
Homeroom: sorta had a panic attack in the bathroom whoops

After school: I met my roommate and he seems really nice. His name is Grover. We're the same age. He's like super into nature and that's cool, I guess? He didn't act like he didn't not like me. But now I have to try to not have anxiety attacks and panic attacks and breakdowns and yeah. Try to not like want to kill myself everyday.

After reading that I was... I mean, it was interesting to hear the things he never told me because we weren't close. He wasn't comfortable with me yet. And I read the entire thing. It took me a month reading every day. But I did and it was up to date with the day before he hung out with me.

I mean, it took him three years to actually write down that he's gay. Which, he'd never told me. Because he's not comfortable with it yet. He still writes about it. He started going out with Annabeth out of fear that the camp would get suspicious that he's gay. He's fighting anxiety and depression. Going through the trauma of being abused as a child.

I never knew about any of that. But he said he's never told anyone. His mom doesn't know about the abuse. She doesn't know he's gay because he's terrified to come out. Says it literally puts him into a panic attack just thinking about it.

And he's gay. Of course there was somebody that made him realize he liked guys just like there's somebody that would make you realize you liked girls if you were a straight guy or a gay girl.

He wouldn't say it right away. He wouldn't write it down. Just said he. And when I got to it... I uh... I had to stop reading for the night.

Because that was me.

And that has held out. There's an entry from half way through the summer when he was on the Argo II. Saying he almost spit it out when he was having an argument with Nico because Nico was saying that he didn't understand what it was like to he somewhere and to have people hate you and not accept you and just to be an outcast.

That's when Percy just put his hands up in the air and walked away because he didn't want anyone knowing. Especially someone from camp who could easily tell me. A way he didn't want me finding out. He wanted me to find out through him.

Which, I was glad that he respected that. But I was also a little offended that he hasn't told me. I get it. I just wish he would've said something.

I mean, it made sense. It made a lot of things make sense.

But it was about a month after we had hung out. A few days after I finished reading it, actually, when I got a call from Percy. An IM, because phones are dangerous.

"Hey, Perce," I said when I answered the IM, seeing that he was in his room, looking around. "What's up?"

"Not a whole lot," he responded after digging through his bag. "But uh, when we hung out last, did I leave anything behind? I had something with me at camp, like a mini binder, and I need it. It has medical stuff from the summer. I'm due for a check up and yeah. Did you see anything like that?"

"Um..." I could ask about it or just short cut it. "Maybe? What sort of medical stuff?"

"Daily stuff." He wasn't going to fess up that it was a journal and I knew that. "What I did, if I worked out, what I ate. Stuff like that. It's blue."

"Oh, yeah!" I responded and went back by all my notebooks and stuff. I kept it there so I knew where it was. "I thought it was weird I had it. I didn't know who's it was."

"Did you look in it?"

"I almost did." It was a half lie. "But I didn't know who it belonged to. Do you want me to?"

"No."

After that, I told him I'd drop it off before his appointment, he thanked me and hung up. Which is when Will and Nico showed up. Or, Nico did. Will just never leaves him alone anymore. He doesn't get the point that Nico is straight and doesn't want to go out with him.

"Hey, Grover." Nico said when I let him in and he saw Percy binder. "I think I left something here. It was... There it is!"

He picks up Percy's binder. Because camp gives one of these to everyone. Year rounders, at least. Nico's must be blue.

"No, that's not—" I stopped him. "That one isn't yours. That's Percy's. I have to bring it to him later. Yours is... Probably on my desk. When I find stuff like that, that's where I put it."

Too late. He had opened it to see if it was his. And he must've flipped to the page that him and Percy got in that fight.

Will tried to peek over his shoulder and Nico wouldn't let him. Which was nice considering he was reading it in the first place.

"If you can read it, why can't I?" Will questioned Nico's reason for pushing him away.

"Because it's about me, you've got nothing to do with this."

After a minute Nico just closed it and handed it to me.

"Have you read it?" He asked me and I nodded my head, telling him I read the entire thing.

"Has Annabeth?"